It's just one of those days. Just last week I was having fun being a medical student, going to Hospital Kajang and all, but today, at this very moment, at 1:13am on 30th July 2007, I am kinda hating it.
I need a vacation. I desperately need one with all my hommies, maybe a cruise near an island with a breathtaking view, or a visit to Rome, or Paris or Tokyo.. whatever?? Doesn't really matter now.
It's just that putting on a mask, a different facade every single day is really taking its toll on me. Trying to tolerate all the crappy things that happen all around me, knowing that too many people want to see you fail, and are talking bad behind you is really pulling me down now. I hate this kind of environment. Everytime I try to be happy, I get saddened by knowing this fact, but yet I have to face these people every single day. Of course there will be people in this world that you can't tolerate, but for me I guess I am an antisocial. Someone who keeps to him or herself almost all the time?? Hehe. I wish. I need people around me to take away my pain, or share my hopes, dreams and happiness with. That's why how people perceive me really matters to me.
But too bad sometimes some people just don't give 2nd chances once you screwed up the first time. Hellooooooooo ... who doesn't make mistakes?? But my worst mistake would be making a mistake in the years where I'm considered an adult and can think of my actions. Therefore, making me guilty of every single sin that I made, every single tear that I've caused, and every single heart that I've scarred. But what if all I'm asking for is a chance to prove myself worthy again?? What if I've turned over a new leaf?? What if I'm saying now that I've learnt so much in these few months compared to years of ignorance in my so-called teenage years?? Would they listen??
I guess not. That's why I will always be the person left out, the person not in the group, the person at the very end of the picture in a group photo. And it hurts all right. Maybe I was too young to know of the consequences of my previous actions, but I'm learning it now, and I'm learning it hard. Damn. Life is cruel.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Bitchfit
What I hate the most is people giving hope when there isn't any. Can't guys with girlfriends just stop flirting with other girls and act as if you people are not taken??
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
research ending : final wake up call before heading to clinical years
Research project. 2 words that may bring a gazillion other emotions when said or given thought to medical students. For me (and probably my group : group 7), the word signifies a tumour. Firstly, it was benign, not presenting us with any symptoms of pain. Then it mutated to be malignant, spreading it's malignant cells all over our body, filling our brains, our very thoughts with research terms, proposals and hospital visits. It really stresses me. Every minute detail is being taken into account, so that a book, a single book of bound papers filled with words written in ink can be handed in, and would probably be left unread in the library. So much for all our hard work and efforts. Almost everyone knows about our infamous visits to the HKL every single day for the past 2 months on the name of data collection. It was a drag. Driving up and down from K17 to HKL definitely wasn't a bed of roses, but it taught me patience, and definitely how to manoeuvre my car through the jammed streets of KL during peak hours.
For me, days for research(as in collecting data) is like the weather.
But thank God I've been blessed to have great group members who brightens up my dark days. The laughter that we had was neverending.
There's our head of the group which is Abdul Fattah or better known as Misz Paris Hilton.
Although she can be a tad bit annoying at times, but she definitely cheers me up whenever I'm in a bad mood during the research period. Not talking about making jokes for us to laugh about, she's also the paparazzi of K17 --> knowing so much about so many people!!! I'm glad we're in the same group Paris, being the blonde that you are :P
And then there's Alex, the nice naive Chinese dude hailing all the way from Alor Setar, Kedah, or more commonly known as Alexxis or Mongreal. Haha!!
He's always the one looking for the silver lining when the clouds are black, and he's the one doing all the calling to supervisor/s during the research (well, most of the calls anyway) and although undergoing multiple stress factors is still able to smile at the end of the day, ensuring the other group members that everything will turn out fine. Coolness.
And there's this beautiful model by the name of Emi or Lilo
She's really good and efficient at her work, and never once complained about what happened (excluding the time where she met Dr Latiffah to get signature for the thesis), but instead still goes on the stuff we are doing patiently. She's always a victim of molestation to Paris but Paris is just too blonde to know better (or function) ;p. Always up-to-date with the latest fashion, and a cleo avid reader, she's definitely a fashion diva. Great to be working with ya gurl (this isn't the 1st time, and won't be the last) :D
Basicly all of us are separated into 4 different groups, A1, A2, B1 and B2. But it was great moments we had together, although we remember the worst times more than the good times, but indeed I cannot deny, there are more of the good times than the bad times. This is after all the final wake up call before heading to clinical. We've learnt a lot, and came a long way. But there's more to this and we'll be learning more. But time definitely has made us more mature, and the research project will hopefully always be remembered no matter how far we've gone.
During final research presentation
4 different seasons to drink from
In Ikea
For me, days for research(as in collecting data) is like the weather.
On some days it is sunny.
Most days it is hazy (because I'm not really sure what I'm doing).
But the worst of all is when it rains (when we are in a tiff with our supervisor/co supervisors).
On days like that I just feel like laying down on the grass on a cloudy day and watch the clouds form. Or eat lots of McDonald's ice creams. Or just sit aimlessly and do nothing. That's the best.
But the worst of all is when it rains (when we are in a tiff with our supervisor/co supervisors).
On days like that I just feel like laying down on the grass on a cloudy day and watch the clouds form. Or eat lots of McDonald's ice creams. Or just sit aimlessly and do nothing. That's the best.
But thank God I've been blessed to have great group members who brightens up my dark days. The laughter that we had was neverending.
There's our head of the group which is Abdul Fattah or better known as Misz Paris Hilton.
Although she can be a tad bit annoying at times, but she definitely cheers me up whenever I'm in a bad mood during the research period. Not talking about making jokes for us to laugh about, she's also the paparazzi of K17 --> knowing so much about so many people!!! I'm glad we're in the same group Paris, being the blonde that you are :P
And then there's Alex, the nice naive Chinese dude hailing all the way from Alor Setar, Kedah, or more commonly known as Alexxis or Mongreal. Haha!!
He's always the one looking for the silver lining when the clouds are black, and he's the one doing all the calling to supervisor/s during the research (well, most of the calls anyway) and although undergoing multiple stress factors is still able to smile at the end of the day, ensuring the other group members that everything will turn out fine. Coolness.And there's this beautiful model by the name of Emi or Lilo
She's really good and efficient at her work, and never once complained about what happened (excluding the time where she met Dr Latiffah to get signature for the thesis), but instead still goes on the stuff we are doing patiently. She's always a victim of molestation to Paris but Paris is just too blonde to know better (or function) ;p. Always up-to-date with the latest fashion, and a cleo avid reader, she's definitely a fashion diva. Great to be working with ya gurl (this isn't the 1st time, and won't be the last) :DBasicly all of us are separated into 4 different groups, A1, A2, B1 and B2. But it was great moments we had together, although we remember the worst times more than the good times, but indeed I cannot deny, there are more of the good times than the bad times. This is after all the final wake up call before heading to clinical. We've learnt a lot, and came a long way. But there's more to this and we'll be learning more. But time definitely has made us more mature, and the research project will hopefully always be remembered no matter how far we've gone.
During final research presentation
4 different seasons to drink from
In Ikea
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