The clock is ticking

Time is moving reaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyy fast.

Suddenly you're at the end of your posting, and you have to face the mock exams.

Suddenly you're at the end of the year, waiting for the new year countdown.

Suddenly you realize you've been hanging out for almost 7 years with your high school besties.

Suddenly you've been close to your matrix guy pal for almost 4 years.

Gasp! Scary!!!!!! I'm getting old!! Well I hope I don't look that old though. :P

But that is what we mere humans usually least appreciate, time. We take it for granted. We wait for it to pass by, doing nothing basicly, watching movies, or just plain sleeping.

Then before we know it, our hair is turning white, we have wrinkles in our faces, and we are so close to death.

At that point, when the younger generation asks you "What have you done with your life?"

What shall you answer?

a) I've lived my life, worked as hard as possible, get lots of money that 3 generations ahead of me can live without working

b) I helped found a cure for cancer or a type of virus

c) I helped groom my children into imam's and leaders of religion

d) I became a great wife/husband to my significant other

e) I became a helped my parents and siblings

f) none of the above??

Haha. I'm still figuring out my answer as well. Haven't lived my life to the fullest yet. Still have a long way to go. God willing :D

Ni yang jeles nih

Tak boleh blah la. I paling tak tahan kalo girls yang shit gile makan banyak, tapi don't gain weight. Say what?? Serious benci benci benci!!! Lepas tu diorang leh makan donut everyday plak tu.. bukannya satu due.. tapi dekat sedozen, then still can eat mcD and nando's and everything and still stay stick thin. Gile tak boleh blah..

Bile nak kurus ni?? *sigh* (i know i know ayu... u dah ajak gi gym since bulan brape tah.. ;p)

Dear diary

It's true. I'm an ungrateful bitch. Seriously. I never realized that until one of my besties pointed it out straight to my face. I'm always in some kind of bitchfit mode if things don't go my way, but even if it did, I wouldn't appreciate it as it is.

Ok, bakyah, i'll learn to look at other people's hardships before complaining about my mere problems which are like a storm in a teacup compared to other people's problems which are like hurricanes hitting the roofs of their houses. :D

By the way, it was a great surprise my bestfriend and her boyfriend did for me. Treated me to TGIF's in OU, and gave me chocolates and a handbag. Hehehehe. Best, best!! I've always wanted to buy a new handbag, but haven't found one that is to my liking yet, but the handbag they gave to me (with the help of the other two besties choosing) wasn't that bad. Seriously. I would actually use it. But the fact that I was blindfolded before going to TGIF.. Man.. I felt lost without my CN II and III!!

Me being blindfolded by bakyah and seb (seb can't be seen because she's the one taking the pic)


This is the bff's bf's crew and me, and seb (in greed tudung) and bakyah at the furthermost end

In the end, I got to eat a great meal, albeit being surprised yet again by the TGIF's folks who sang the birthday song for me (although my birthday was like 3 weeks ago) Haha!! But it was a great birthday this year. I started off with a great meal in Chilli's (on the birthday itself) and ended with a great meal in TGIF's (3 weeks later). So this really makes up for all the past crappy birthday's I had. Hopefully I will have better birthdays in years to come :D

X X X X X

The mock exam for end posting is next week. And I really don't know how much I know and don't know. :P Hopefully everything goes on well though. THE professional exam II is on 21st January 2008. Approximately one month from today. And I know I should spend my time reading, and trying to answer past year questions, and doing lots of short cases in the hospital, but sometimes, I just feel like I want to go out, catch a movie, and do some retail therapy. *sigh*
I feel like going out, but when I watch most of my peers reading their heads off until their eyes turn like pandas the next day, I somehow feel guilty of even thinking bout going out. But then, I can't concentrate reading anymore. But then.. (see how the whole cycle goes again)

And I can't seem to finish my last case writeup on pancreatic pseudocyst, the discussion part is still not done yet. I feel like giving up on this damn case writeup, I've been on it for almost 2 days not, but I'm still not yet finished. Damn.

X X X X X

Recently, I keep on feeling hungry. Been eating a lot. And not working out. Damn. I guess I would balloon up after the exams in the state I am now. This requires desperate measures on controlling the food intake. *sigh*

X X X X X

My cousin is coming to KL on 24th December, she's registering into UiTM Shah Alam for a course in actuarial science. But I'm having my mock after Christmas, so I can't count on going shopping with her. But, I guess getting good results and passing will provide me with the ultimate happiness compared to periodic happiness during retail therapy.

Can't wait to get the exams over with. :D

Sometimes..

I just feel like crying. And no amount of words of support from my friends can stop me from feeling this way. I hate feeling vulnerable. Just expressing this out in this blog makes me feel crappy. Like I'm a shithead. Like I'm just one of the many girls in KL, with no other significant specialty or talent, blending in the crowd, just like a wallpaper. At times, I just feel like there's nothing to look forward to in life.

Lately..

1. My close friends said that i'm pretty irritable. I curse more. And I definitely am super sarcastic. Maybe it's because of the professional exam that is coming up. Maybe because of the fact that I'm still single for almost a year now. Maybe because my JPA fund is running out and I can't go shopping despite the year end sale going on now. Maybe because I need to install all sorts of programmes to use my handphone and printer that was previously in my newly reformatted laptop, but I can't seem to find the installation cds. Maybe because my clothes suddenly feel a bit tight. Damn.

2. My love to drive around in my car is increased. Driving helps me think. Especially long drives, for example to and fro from my house to my college in Serdang. Around 30 minutes. 20 minutes if i speed. But I hate it if I'm stuck in a jam. So I'd rather stay put at a place, and wait till the peak hours of super jam is done, than I'd make my way to the car for my ultimate driving experience. Most of the times while driving I think about what I'm going to do when I reach my destination. Sometimes I think about the events that happened recently, about people I've talked to, patients I've met.. basicly those who walked in and out of my life. Once in a while I'll be thinking about having someone to drive me to and fro. Especially at times when I'm stuck in a massive traffic jam.

3. I like to watch people. How they act. What they wear especially. I'm not a fashionista. But I'm not wearing scraps from the rubbish dump either. Sometimes, I get to see a guy who dresses nicely, and actually looks good. Happened to me when I'm out for dinner in Alamanda last week. That dude's clothes seriously screams metrosexual, but he has short David Beckham hairstyle going on. Then he smiled. That's when I actually started to pay attention. He was promoting some sort of hot patch for women having period pain. I wasn't paying attention to what he said. Looking at my blur face after his so-called lengthy explanation, he said "Tak berminat ye?" I actually answered "Nice shirt" instead. He smiled. Then I walked on. He's hot la wei. Sapa kata good things in life aren't free? Cuci mata free what :P

4. I miss writing poems. Or short stories. Or poems telling bout short stories. I just seem to be so out of ideas nowadays. And I can't explain myself like I used to. I think my level of writing and talking english have deteriorated miserably. I'm not creative enough. Have all my creative brain cells gone out the window once all we medical students do are read?
I miss reading as well. Not that I'm not reading nowadays, I'm reading medical books, not fictional books like Sidney Sheldon, Jeffrey Archer, Amy Tan and so on and so forth like before.

5. I need money. For food. For petrol. For top-up credit. For shopping. I need money. They say love makes the world go around. In the era of global modernization, money makes the world go round. Dollar is king. (Anyone who saw 'Spinning Gasing' would have remembered that quote)

6. I have urges to study non stop. Then I feel really sleepy. Then I would dream I was studying. Pretty scary. Once I dreamt that I have a black stethescope. Not that having that colour of stethescope is wrong. Just that I am using a pink stethescope. Where the hell do i get a black stethescope in my dream?

7. I found back Dr. Amir. Whom I've met before during my research days. He's still hot. And tall. And hunky. And still doesn't realise I'm alive. *sigh* I don't even know which ward he is working in. But he's in Hospital Kuala Lumpur for sure. I think there most be like a gazzilion of doctors with the name of Amir in HKL. Well.. even if it's not a gazzilion, it'll definitely be more than one right? At least I get to see him in the cafe once in a while during breakfast. This sounds way stalker-ish la. I need to get a bf. ;p

Erased

I've deleted some of my older posts.


Because I've realized that some people are not worth to bitchfit about.


At least I don't pretend to be so nice and naive.

Multitasking

Chatting with three people at the same time, while watching an episode of America's Next Top Model Cycle 9. (hence the wallpaper - showing jenna n heather at the elimination)

Multitasking brought to a whole new level. :D

I'm practising to juggle my life after getting the D-R added to my name. Heheh.

ramblings

1st December 2007. It marks the end of the magical month of November. Well, basicly it's because my birthday is in November. And I'm sure everyone would think their month of birth is extra special. Amazingly this year's birthday for me was kinda great, after years of let downs and crap received from loved ones. Seriously.

As I didn't want to keep my hopes up on my birthday, I slept early, plus I had a bad case of flu, sore throat and a bit of fever. Taking the antihistamines made me sleepy, but as always, my bestfriend would not fail to call me up a few minutes before midnight to sing the birthday song, eventhough now she's in New Zealand. I guess distance wasn't a problem when there's telecommunication services. Heheh. And of course some other people who called up to wish me happy birthday, and the smsses I got at 12 am sharp. Man, don't these people sleep?? Haha! That was great anyway.

Most of my friends treated me to lunch, dinner and gave me presents of chocolates (I love chocolate by the way) and some other people gave me other presents like singing a song accompanied by the strummings of a guitar and being able to view pictures of them since young. Extra ordinary never the less. :P My parents decided they didn't want to choose the present for me, so they gave me the cash and asked me to buy whatever I want. Way better. :D

My birthday also signals the time for me to move back to my room in college. Because it was already the middle of the posting, and we "anak buayas" are now known as anak Mr. Annal and anak Mr. Khairul Muhsein (the neurosurgeon) .. scary!! As always there is pros and cons to this condition you see. Because when I returned back to college, I met the people I enjoy to hang out with, but at the same time I meet those who really make my heart ache in pain. But it really helped me concentrate studying, or I would probably be watching E! Channel 24/7 at home.

The college is pretty empty, and there's only use medical students there. (Some 5th years, most of the 3rd years and all of the 1st and 2nd years). Tak de muka orang baru ke nak usha?? ;p And when I'm in Hospital Serdang I realised how racist people there are. One Chinese lady actually denied being examined by us, merely because we were Malays. Balik China la makcik! Malaysia is not for racist people! Whatever la. When we mentioned this to Mr. Annal he said "Don't worry, some people are like that. She doesn't let you examine her breasts it's ok. There are many other breast cancer patients you can learn from." Like Ayu said, breast kitorang lagi cantik la makcik. C girls rock!! ;p

There's a flu virus going around in the surgical posting students. The flu is going from one person to another, and some are taking multiple days of sick leave. But sometimes, it's hard to differentiate whether they really are on sick leave, or they are planning for a gateaway in Cameron Highlands or something. Hehe.

By the way, "Enchanted", the typical Disney movie was fun to watch. I watched it twice by the way. Maybe I'll watch it again. Hehe. Yang tak boleh blahnye, I ponteng kelas separuh hari last friday, and went to Times Square to catch this movie. Time queue up to buy popcorn terserempak dengan senior 5th year. A couple la. (Just realised because abang 5th year tu nak clerk the same UGIB patient with us in the morning) Die pun ponteng pe.. ape lagi junior kan?? ;p Haha! Then when we are seated, the couple sitting exactly beside me, lagi tak leh blah. It's my 4th year buddy's roomate, with her boyfriend. Seriously a small world. And medical students from UPM especially those in clinical years watch movies in Times Square. So if you don't want to bump into anyone, don't watch movies in Times Square. Or Mines. Or in Balakong Cheras. Or in Mid Valley. Maybe you can watch it in KLCC. :P But if you want to show your new found boyfriend or girlfriend (trophy boyfriend or girlfriends especially), please head to the places mentioned above. Especially Times Square. On Friday evenings or Saturdays. You'll be discovered.

6 more weeks to professional exams. Scary. Trying to read everything up, trying to clerk as many patients as possible, trying to spend every single minute in the day in the wards, but I would never leave my eating time. Hehe. Do not skip meals, but take meals in appropriate porportions. Plus exercise. No use becoming bullemic, and taking suppository pills. Haha.

UKM students already got their JPA allowance. Rumour has it that we will get rm2K more this time. Finally! Justice to the Malaysian students! Those studying overseas get like RM6k every month tau! I repeat.. EVERY MONTH!! Some can even save and go travel abroad to Australia, Europe, Bali and so on and so forth.. Kitorang mampu pegi mana je.. orang pegi France ke hapa.. budak UPM dapat pegi Zoo Negara je.. tak kesian ke? Tulah gune nye tax payer's money that everyone get deducted from their salary from..That's how the students use it wahai rakyat Malaysia.. hehe ;p

Need to study. And need to do my case write-up. Orang lain dah hantar dua dah. But I haven't even finish one. And we have to send in three. I'm so last month.

Taaaa... By the way, now I can legally vote, and legally enter clubs. Hehe. Thinking of it.. maybe.. .. hehe (chuckles)