PEMALAS

I don't know why, I feel so lazy to update now. Must have got the lazy to update bug from Ayu I think. :P Haha.

I'm down with fever with flu and a terrible cough last week, and I'm still having a sore throat today. Damn it.

Everytime I open the Psychiatric book to read, I feel so sleepy that I end up in bed instead. Why?? *sigh* Need to read up. A lot of stuff.

I haven't even meet my supervisor, he was on leave last week. And I haven't even hand in the blue form to be sign by my PA, basicly because my PA haven't sign it yet. (Yet another thing I haven't do)

So little time, so much to do. I'm digging this hole myself before jumping into it. Damn it!

---- will be away from the blogging arena until I can settle my life in reality.

The Psychiatric Series 1.0

I'm starting the Psychiatric Series, because I've just started the psychiatric posting today. I'm sure there will be a lot of stories to share. :D


Today, in the lecture hall

Lecturer : Can anyone tell me about the meaning of abstract thinking? Or all of you are sleeping already?

(It's almost 5pm and the lecture started at 2.30pm or so)

Me : Maybe it's like someone looking at the colour blue, and saying looking at the colour blue makes them feel cool or cold.

Lecturer : (Pauses for a few seconds) That sounds like what a patient would say.

Me : @#$%^#$@!

A & E

*A&E : Accident & Emergency



Finally the 2 weeks of A&E came to an end. I have to say I found it so much more interesting now rather than before. I thought that A&E is all about blood before this, but realized it is much more than that now.





All the child abuse, sodomy, rape and battered wife cases are also seen in the A&E, which means that besides taking good care of the patient's physical state, the emotional and psychological state must also be taken in to account as well.





I have to admit, the A&E department was where I saw the most medical assistants ever. Period. It is actually hard to meet an MA twice in the 2 week posting. And most of them are very helpful, and willing to teach us medical students. Some even looked for us to show us how procedures were done.





And besides that, I cannot deny that the MAs in this department are the most good looking bunch I have ever seen eversince I entered the clinical years. :P And the best part is them always smiling at the sight of your face. :D The nurses were great as well, teaching us everything they know about the procedures we ask and all. Never once did a nurse shun me when I ask them about something here, unlike some other departments which is quite slow compared to this department.





The A&E is definitely challenging, the emergency physicians are required to know almost everything, and know which department the patient is to be channeled to for further treatment. The doctors were willing to teach us despite the hectic schedule (in between waiting for the patients to arrive in ambulances), and there was definitely something new to learn every single day.





But there are also doctors who are very sarcarstic too - saying that medical students are blood suckers and only know how to take blood. Just like any other department there will be some doctors who are so high up in the sky, thinking they are God and look down on us mere students who are actually trying to get experience. I don't get it actually, they were once one of us, they knew how it felt like to tag along to the doctors trying to get the hands-on experience and all, and they can actually say that we are doing nothing? Whatever. Obesity is a sin weh. *pissed off*





I've tried the branula, applying the nebulizer for asthma patients, wound dressing, ATT vaccination, numerous IMs, suturing of an open wound (this one was really cool la - thanks to the MA who offered me the chance to suture), bandaging and many other procedures that before this I could only see doctors do, or only watch on television series.





Most of the cases that come to the A&E is motor vehicle accidents, patients coming in with fractures, bruises, open wounds and so on. Besides that, asthma and chest pain cases are also quite frequent.





Once in a while (in this two weeks) there are psychiatric cases coming in. Can't wait for the psychiatric posting to start this coming monday actually, heard a lot of stories from seniors and MAs about these patients, hopefully I'll be able to share some interesting stories in the blog as well. :D

Tag by Nisa ;P

Nisa, my high school mate decided to tag me. Although the tag seems very cliche, but since I'm pretty bored right now, I'll do it anyway. :D

1) What is the most important thing in your life?

My family, my friends, my studies, my cats, money, my belongings - my car, my handphone, my camera, my opinion being heard. :P


2) What is the last thing that you bought with your own money?

Food - dinner : kerang bakar and sup sayur (kat kedai yang cashier die gedik2 konon langgar me)


3) Where do you wish to get married?

Urm. Don't really mind. I'm not the type who thinks about where I'm getting married too much, but rather about who I'm going to marry, who's coming to my wedding and what food is being served :D


4) How old do you think you will be permanently owned by your love?

When I actually fall real hard for the guy, being blown away by his every move, mesmerized by his very simple actions - smiling, holding the door for me, and remembering his every word like it's lyrics from a song - which I will be playing all day long in my mind. And hopefully he feels the same way about me too.

*Bertepuk sebelah tangan sucks big time beb, and to love someone and have them love you back is everything.

(Huuu... jiwang nyer beb.. haha :P)


5) Are you in love?

At this moment, don't think so. Like I mentioned before, to feel love is to be prepared for the pain if things does not go smoothly. Unfortunately, at this point, I don't have time for the pain. But if things were to change in the near future, I'd have to guard myself with extra strong analgesics. *har har*


6) Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?

Suraya Seafood. Or something like that la. In Kampung Baru.

The cashier gedik konon2 langgar me. Although the first time memang I did langgar him. And I almost fell.

The second time he actually shouted out "Awak.. awak langgar saya pulak hari ni!", and almost langgar me.

The people eating at the table in front actually turned their heads to look at me. *Gile malu seh*

Thinking about not going there anymore; but the kerang bakar and bubur berlauk is sedap giler weh. *drools*


7) Name the latest book that you bought?

Grotesque - Natsuo Kirino. I mentioned about it in my previous blog entry. (the not so recent blog entry laaaa)


(8) What is your full name?

Farah Waheeda Binti Aziz. Call me Farah, Waheeda or whatever in between. :D


9) Do you prefer your mother or father?

Apa pulak prefer? I love them both. They each have their own distinct qualities, I approach them for different problems. I'm choosing both.


10) Name a person that you really wish to meet in real life for the first time

Reza Salleh. (sebab I dah jumpe KJ)

Besides that, David Beckham la. And Usher. And Heath Ledger.


11) Christina or Britney?

Britney. Because she's so messed up now. Want to actually assess her psychological status. K-Fed is so to be blamed for her downfall.

*We should all just kill K-Fed* haha. :P


12) Do you do your own laundry?

Put it in the washing machine and hang it out, yeah. Doing the actual washing - that, the washing machine does. Hehe.


13) The most exciting place you want to go?

Paris. Japan. California. (macam iklan rokok plak)


14) Hugs or kisses?

Both weh.

Mana leh bagi one without the other? ;p


15) Point out 5 things about the person who tagged you.

1. Knew her from my high school.

2. Studying in UNITEN.

3. She can blog more in one day than I could do in a month. (sometimes la, but now I'm catching up.) :P

4. Always say that I want to go out and have dinner with her, but never really did meet - have our own commitments.

5. Back then in high school, very active with KRS - nampak cam tentera darat pun ada gak *lol*


16) 8 things I am passionate about:

1. Food

2. Music

3. Medicine

4. Blogging

5. Talking

6. Driving my car

7. Hanging out with friends

8. Checking out hot, buff men :P LOL


17) 8 things I say too often:

*I'm too blonde to remember what I say most of the time*

LOL - malas nak ingat apa yang selalu cakap, and I think I've answered this question in a tag before this.


18) 8 books I’ve read recently:

1. Grotesque - Natsuo Kirino

2. New Malaysian Essays I - compiled by Amir Muhammad

3. P.S I Love You - Cecilia Ahern : never really finished it actually, terlalu jiwang for my soul

4. Oxford Clinical Medicine Handbook

5. Psychiatric Clerkship

6. Trauma (some American Committee for Trauma bla3x)

7. tak ingat gak tajuk, but about trauma as well - preparing for presentation

8. same as number 7 *heheh* - used three books to prepare for presentation


8 songs I could listen to over and over again:

*I'll just take this from the most played list in my iPod.

1. Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra

2. Always Be My Baby - David Cook's version

3. Something Special - Usher

4. Phase - Danity Kane

5. Lucky - Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Calliat

6. Where Did My Baby Go - John Legend

7. 10:04 - One Buck Short

8. For Her - Reza Salleh


8 things I learned last year:

1. Have to study more this year - things are getting tougher.

2. If you really want something, no matter how hard it is to get it, you will do everything in your means to get it anyway. But if you don't really want something, you will come with a gazillion excuses to not do it.

3. I have to spend more money on stuff rather than on food - because I can at least use the stuff, but food will only end up in the toilet after passing motion. :P

4. I have to settle for cheaper handphones that have the function I want, rather than the latest PDA or iPhone because of my luck with handphones.

5. Losing weight is possible, dieting and restraining from eating is almost impossible.

6. Kasut PUMA tak best, cepat gile rosak banding other sport brands.

7. I smile too much at strangers - more like they smile at me first, takkan la tak balas senyuman kot.

8. Watching the latest television series or movies are possible - but through downloading la. :D


21) 8 people to tag: *not tagging anyone this time, anyone who wants to do it - you are more than welcome*

Can you keep a secret?

In the medical world, every time a patient walks in the room, the doctors are supposed to ask about the patient's history - basicly about the patient's sign and symptoms, the patient's past illness, any admissions to the hospital before or any surgeries done, social history, family history and so on.

This is because the patient's history does affect the type of treatment and the outcome of the treatment. Often the trouble comes when asking the social history of the patient. This is because the type of questions asked may sometimes change the perception of the doctor(or the public in general) towards the patients.

For instance, the MUST ASK questions include :

1) Does the patient smoke?
2) Does the patient take alcohol?
3) Is the patient sexually promiscuous?
4) Does the patient take recreational drugs?

Most patients would actually admit doing any of these (if they actually did), but some of them, a handful would actually deny doing it (although to be proven wrong when the investigation results come.)

Even me, if I were to be asked these questions, most probably I would deny doing any of it, even if I did. (But now as a medical student, if I did any, I would actually own up to it, because I know how it will affect the treatment.)

Bottomline - be responsible for your actions, accept the consequences later on.


Why do these patients act that way? Because the social stigma we have, the unwritten rule that people who do these sort of stuff are bad people, those who can't be successful in life, those who couldn't care less about anyone else but themselves.


Somehow, that is not exactly true. Many of those I've met actually have work, earns a decent living, takes good care of their children (if they have any) and actually respect others.


I know some people who actually lead the so-called decent lives : do not drink, not sexually promiscuous and does not take recreational drugs, but looks down on others. For instance they go to the mamak shop; treats the waiters like shit as if they are the only people who have money in the world, in the hospital; demands to be treated earlier than those who waited hours before they came, shouting for attention from the hospital staff, cursing under their breath, complaining about how crappy government hospitals are.

So much for being "good".

That's why those who actually are "social", those who actually answer yes to the 4 questions above would deny when asked these questions.

Because too many people would think differently about them.

Because they are afraid that people might treat them less as humans, as if they are second class beings.

Because maybe the loved ones might not be able to accept them as who they really are, but only the image the loved ones want them to be. (most of the times the loved ones don't even know that the patients do these stuff - until the doctor asks the patient, and the patient admits in front of the family member)

So if you actually know the truth; can you keep the secret?

Or would you be one of those ignorant people, turning your back against them asking for help, looking down on them and bad mouthing them to everyone as if you are so much greater of a human then they are?

the first death

Yup. Today I experienced my first death. In the accident & emergency department.

Just moments ago he was complaining about the pain when inserting the branula for the IV line.

He was asking the doctors to call his wife, informing her that he's in the hospital.

We watched him, then as his vital signs became normal, we left the room.

After about one hour later, I came back to the room.

A doctor and a few nurses and medical assistants were performing the cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) on him. There were other medical students there as well.

The uncle's face was pale as sheet.

His arms not moving.

In a matter of seconds his pulse pressure dropped from 50 to 30.

The nurse shone the pen torch in to his eyes, there were no reaction.

The doctor then said "We wait for the flat line (referring to the ECG)"

At that point I thought, "What? Just wait? Shouldn't we do the CPR anyway??"

But in a few seconds, the flat line appeared. It doesn't seem to matter whether the last few seconds of his life was accompanied by the CPR.

The doctor called the time of death, wiped the sweat of his forehead, and proceeded to walk out of the room.

The rest of us stood there, dumb founded.

Just moments before, the uncle was complaining of pain, whining, sweating and all.

Now, in a matter of seconds, he is gone. FOREVER.

It just feels weird. Awkward. Empty. Feeling the lost of a life. Watching it happen in front of your very eyes.

The first death that I experienced.

Today.

Check this out

My first article published in a youth portal. Yay!

Thanks to my friend Edwan who agreed to be interviewed (via e-mail, but never the less)

Click here

:D *smiling myself to sleep*

Random nothingness : Pain

I think I like pain. As in piercings and stuff.

Maybe because it gives me the adrenaline rush.

Maybe because physical pain does not hurt me as much as emotional pain.

Maybe because I'm one of those masochist people.

I actually volunteered to be the patient when my friends wanted someone to practice taking blood and inserting the IV line.

Oh God.

Random nothingness : Mistaken Feelings

I think sometimes I seem too friendly for my own good. I smile a lot these days. Some people have mistaken these friendliness for liking them instead. Damn it! I treat everyone almost equally, the same level of friendliness, honestness and so on. (except for those closer to me, they are treated a bit more special :D)


There's this dude who was flirting with me the whole time (basicly for the 2 months or so), and I was just being friendly, or going with the flow with him. I didn't like him (as in like to be my boyfriend like la), just being comfortable and stuff la. Then suddenly he sat me down, and told me something like this "Urm Farah, I want to make this clear, I don't think I could be a good boyfriend, I couldn't care enough or spend enough time with my girlfriend." He's single by the way.


Of course I was like "what the hell is this about?" but was just thinking it, not saying it out loud.


What I actually said was "urm..?" -- making a blur face at the same time.


"No.. it's just that I don't want to give you hope, that I want to be your boyfriend" he answered.


WHAT THE FUCK wei!! If I have the heart for you, if I really did like you, I would have been contacting you like 24/7, constantly trying to reach out for you and so on. I just sms you once in a week or something and not even flirting and you are telling me that you don't want to give me hope? What the fuck! If you are that damnnnn attractive, you would have had a girlfriend already, some bitch must have been already hunting me down to kick my sorry ass for so called "disturbing" her boyfriend!


I don't like it that people actually think that I have the heart for them but I don't, as if I'm the one who wants them that much. Bitch.


So instead of bitchfitting in front of this dude, I just said with a fucked up face "Owh, I'm not expecting anything from you"


And then he said "so.. when are we going to go on a date? I miss the day that we drank coffee together in Starbucks, we should do it more often"


Hell? What is this? He doesn't want to give me hope but wants to go on a date and drink coffee with me? Screwed up weh, totally messed up.

Random nothingness : Morning Person

I am a morning person.

I usually wake up early in the morning (except for holidays and weekends) during study sessions so I could prepare myself for the whole day.

My mood for the whole day depends on my morning.

If I happen to wake up late, I'd be pretty pissed off for the whole day. Because I feel like I've missed precious hours of my life which I could do better things besides dreaming.

If I was trapped in a traffic jam while driving in the morning, this will further worsen my mood. Then I'd be a pain in the ass to everyone for the whole day.

Unless something else comes up and I feel better - like a hot guy smiling to me. Haha :P

LOVE

What's the best part about finding love?

The pursuit.

The flirting, the smiles, the hopes on what is going to or bound to happen.

The sun appears to shine brighter, the wind blows stronger, there's one more reason to wake up in the morning.

To face this thing called love. Or the person who provides you with the sheer delight of having it.

But why do some people seem to give up on this matter?

Do they not know how incredible this feeling could be?

Could they not understand that this is what almost every song sung in the world about?

Maybe because they've been let down before.

Maybe because their heart has been broken to too many pieces that it couldn't be whole again no matter how hard they try to mend it.

Maybe they refuse to feel anything.

But how are you to let them be in this game again, this complicated thing called Love?

Is there a guarantee it will always end in happiness?

Is there a guarantee they will never feel lonely ever again?

Is there a guarantee that they will never shed a tear of sorrow, and will always be cheerful, smiling to everyone?

No. Because not only is love complicated, it is unpredictable.

Maybe some people just can't take that. The unpredictable-ness of love.

After all, not everyone has the time for the pain.

Untitled

Suddenly I woke up at 2 am in the morning. Unfortunately, I couldn't go back to sleep. I reached for my handphone and sms-sed a few friends. Waited 10-15 minutes. None replied. Dang. At times like this I wish I had someone to call my own, so I wouldn't feel THAT lonely at night.


I switched on the television, browsed through channels, none seem interesting. I went down and switched on the laptop, and browsed through my friendster and facebook page. How come everyone has happy pictures (with their significant other especially) pasted as their main photo? Damn these photos. I'm feeling worse already.


Then I realized that this might be my last night at home before actually moving to Kg. Baru. I haven't even packed yet. Maybe I thought that leaving the packing to the last minute might actually make me feel that the holidays are not ending that soon. When the fact hits me right in the face, I can feel the tension arising in me, as now, I'm going to the hospital as a 4th year medical student. How time flies. Just about 3 years ago I was anticipating to enter UPM as a junior, a mere first year medical student, and now I'm left with only 2 more years to end the programme. InsyaAllah.


I had just realized that I kind of misplaced (or to be exact lost) my hospital pass. The yellow Hospital Kuala Lumpur pass which I need to enter wards. And at his point, almost 3 am in the morning, I feel like looking for it. I must be crazy. Or troubled. I guess I'm not that happy after all.


Maybe I need therapy. Help.

36 more hours..

.. to starting of the study session. *deep sigh*


Therefore, to enjoy the very few hours left of the holidays, me and my friend decided to try Kenko's Fish Spa. :D

We tried the one in Mid Valley, and this was in the waiting area. It is 30 minutes worth of reflexology by fish, for RM38.






First, we must wash our feet up to the knee areas. The small white bottle at my friend's foot contains some liquid which we do not know what it is for. (My friend thinks it is fish food, that's why the fish bites upon our legs :P)





We were given a towel each.





There were areas containing water with the fish, and we were to put our legs in these areas.





How does it feel like? Very ticklish. At points unbearable. I was laughing my heart out the first few minutes, constantly lifting my legs and putting it back in the water.





Kig Tsuew enjoying the "massage"





The fishes can't really be seen here





Towards the last few minutes before the session ends.





View from a different angle.

It was fun. Definitely worth a try :D

Nurul 'Izzati

In case anyone is wondering, the title is actually the name of a friend of mine. (Not lesbo partner okay, I am SO FREAKINGLY STRAIGHT! ;P)



It all started when we were in Form 1 (way back in 1999), in SAB, we met during the Table Tennis Club practice. It was held every Monday if I'm not wrong. The first time I met her, we played table tennis. Boy does she suck in playing it. Seriously. But one thing I couldn't deny is the fact that this girl looks beautiful. Stunning in fact. We never talked. I just remembered her as the girl who sucked at playing table tennis.



Later on in that year, I applied to be a prefect. Apparently this girl applied as well. Eventually both of us got the post, and there were 8 girls elected for the whole Form 1 batch. That's when we started to hang out more. (Due to many extra-curricular activities we had back then and prefect duties)



I realized how totally opposites we were. I was the very strict, no nonsense, pushy type of girl (back then la.. now dah jadi apa tak tau :P), and she on the other hand was always smiling, listening to everyone, and doing what she was told. At first, she annoyed me. Pretty much. (I was so full of spite in high school, I hated almost everything and she was the typical subject of what I would love to hate ;p) But then both of us always stayed back at school, we started to share something more than that, we started to understand each other better, and we pretty much became close friends.



Fast forward, almost 9 years later, she became my best friend. We went to ups and downs, times of the silent treatment, fighting over the same guy (one point we both wanted attention from the same guy *wink wink*), moments of tears and laughter.



I was the one always talking, she - listening. I'd be the one sulking, she - smiling. I'd be the one complaining about everything under the sky, she - just nodding in agreement, though her facial expression shows otherwise.



She taught me to accept other people's opinions and to keep an open mind. She helped me out in anyway she can, whenever she can. Sometimes people may judge her too much on her physical aspects, but she has a heart bigger than that. (But she still gets on my nerve sometimes :P)



I could not ask for someone better to be the best friend. Although total opposites, we are similar in a few ways as well. I guess we complement each other.



So on this special day, 4th of July, which is her birthday, I'd like to wish her Happy 22nd birthday. May she have the best in life, and may this year be better than the rest. XOXO

Izzati and me

p/s : It was hard for me to write this entry, I don't really know how to start or how to put my thoughts into words. hehe :D

p/s2 : The picture was taken in February 2007, I permed my hair back then. :P

my 100th post

Yup. Finally I reached the 100th entry for this blog. Phew!! I know it is easier for some other people to write almost 3-4 blog entries per day, thus they can reach their 100th entry within the first month of starting their blog itself.




Unfortunately I don't update my blog as often. It took me almost one year plus to reach this 100th entry (as sometimes I only have one entry for the whole month *chuckles*), but now I've been blogging regularly (every week), I'll try to blog every 2-3 days starting from now on. :D




Therefore, to celebrate the 100th post, I went to Paddington House of Pancakes. (more like just finding the reason to try out this place :P I'm a dessertarian by the way..huhu)

Me looking like I'm promoting the dish. And the Hush Puppies t-shirt as well. :D

The three of us tried pancakes, me, Munie and Prasath. :D

Of course la sedap :D

Cik Munie and Prasath finished their dish. Doesn't that tell you something?

So, (raises invisible glass for toast), may there be more interesting stories for me to blog about and share in this space. Cheers! :D