I had 3 things in my mind when I started of my semester this year.
Firstly, is to study hard enough, and get enough clinical skills and be confident enough to perform during the much awaited professional exam 3, or the final exam before I graduate as a doctor. *cough cough* :P
Secondly, is to lose weight. Like seriously a massive amount of weight (after being inspired by watching The Biggest Loser on Hallmark channel during the previous holidays), so that I would reduce my risk of any hereditary diseases. Besides that, I have frequent chest pains due to gastric or oesophageal spasms, (which even I haven't figure out), so hopefully that would get better too by exercise. Yup, I'm one of those who believe in losing weight through exercise and eating proper meals. All those diets by drinking shakes or what-so-ever, I think the weight would just come back once you stop those diets. But, if you are one of those sort of people, and it has been working for you, by all means, please continue doing whatever you did.
So much for my 2nd thought or objective, it's 11.40pm at night and I just ate a cheesecake given by my floormate after celebrating one of our coursemate's birthday. :P
Thirdly, is the objective which is acheivable but hard to attain, which is to get a boyfriend or to get a significant other. Well, this is my final year *InsyaAllah*, and I'm 23, time is passing by, and I do think about having a family. Even if I couldn't find THE significant other, at least knowing I have a person at the side who at least would give a glimmer of hope that he might want to start a family with me would be enough to keep me smiling at night. For the time being :P
However, looking at the schedule I have now, it seems this is almost impossible. I know, to get whatever I want, I have to work hard for it, but it seems like this objective may be the last thing I would think about for the time being. Spending too much time with the books, in the hospital and not even going out to get to know people definitely decreases the chance of me finding a boyfriend. *sigh*
Yup, being so truthful tonight because it's just one of those days where I doubt whether I can achieve what I have been eye-ing and working for the past 4 years, whether I can stand the stress and all.
Watching my coursemates taking everything in so nicely, and being so confident in the hospital when talking to patients scares the hell out of me. I feel so inadequate! I'm freaked out. Seriously. All the 'what ifs' run through my mind. What if I fell sick during the exam? What if I had a though block during the exam? What if I was posted to a rural area and the patient's chance of survival depends on what is my expert opinion which I should provide in a matter of minutes, or seconds even? (And what if I got it wrong)?
Don't get me wrong, I like being where I am right now. I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else. I get happy easily when I work with people. And being in the place I am requires me to meet people with all sorts of attitude. Sometimes I do feel like giving a tight slap to those who are just mere show offs, but those people are humans too. Maybe they don't realise their character irks me. Maybe my character irks people too. And the thing about character is, its already molded in a person, and being the age I am right now, to change it is almost impossible.
Enough with all the ramblings now, I've got to get back to what I was doing.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
No excuse
I was sitting with a friend one day in a famous coffee shop somewhere along the city area. We were catching up on what we missed out throughout the years and so on.
He mentioned something about the H1N1 virus spreading in his area(Malacca), as the number of positive cases are increasing by the day.
"Did you know the story about the cadets in my area being positive for H1N1?"
"In Malacca? Near Lendu area is it?" I said.
"Lendu.. No No! This is not UiTM la. The state director general of health even came to see us. It was all over the news. How come you don't know about this?" he asked further.
And so I went on saying that the hostel that I'm staying (Damai area, nearby the KL city center) does not have any 'proper' internet connection, and I did not have access to any television as well, thus not knowing about the uprise cases in his area.
He sipped his coffee, then looked at me and said "So they don't sell newspapers at your hostel area huh?"
Damn. :P
He mentioned something about the H1N1 virus spreading in his area(Malacca), as the number of positive cases are increasing by the day.
"Did you know the story about the cadets in my area being positive for H1N1?"
"In Malacca? Near Lendu area is it?" I said.
"Lendu.. No No! This is not UiTM la. The state director general of health even came to see us. It was all over the news. How come you don't know about this?" he asked further.
And so I went on saying that the hostel that I'm staying (Damai area, nearby the KL city center) does not have any 'proper' internet connection, and I did not have access to any television as well, thus not knowing about the uprise cases in his area.
He sipped his coffee, then looked at me and said "So they don't sell newspapers at your hostel area huh?"
Damn. :P
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Thoughts 101
I'm in final year, FINALLY. And it feels.... almost the same like the week before actually. Like before I went into final year. :P
But watching how our lecturers are really emphasizing about how to manage patients actually scare me because it actually tells me it is true, this is real, yes, I am a step away from becoming a doctor, the person who heals others.
But watching how our lecturers are really emphasizing about how to manage patients actually scare me because it actually tells me it is true, this is real, yes, I am a step away from becoming a doctor, the person who heals others.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
hyper~
I am writing this when I am freakingly tired and hyper.
I think I want to court my ex again. I know. It's fucked up.
I'm freaking tired.
And I want someone else to move my stuff to Damai. Damn it.
Why do they have to make it so tiring emotionally and physically?
I think I want to court my ex again. I know. It's fucked up.
I'm freaking tired.
And I want someone else to move my stuff to Damai. Damn it.
Why do they have to make it so tiring emotionally and physically?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Drafts 1.0
Note : I was "cleaning" through my blog posts, and I read back this blog entry for 19th December 2008, which I never published. Maybe I thought people couldn't get the story. But anyhow, I thought this entry should not be missed, even though late being published, it deserves to be read. :) Originally it is entitled "Confessions of a student doctor".
You know when you are away from the laptop, and thinking about something, then you just have the idea to update your blog about an issue that concerns you, and when you reach the laptop, *poof* the idea seems to just disappear, and you are left staring at the laptop screen, scratching your head, thinking about what to type in.
I have a lot of that incidents lately. (Phew, finally got that off my chest)
Well let's start about me ranting about my life as a student doctor (as doctor Haw puts it) at the Ob & Gyn ward in HKL.
I had my first on-call at the labour room last week. As the name says, it is where the pregnant mothers have labour and deliver their babies. As the student doctor in my university, you are supposed to witness and deliver (with permission of the doctor on call, nurses, midwives and in circumstances you have already witness a number of vaginal deliveries) about 10 vaginal deliveries (spontaneous births) and a number of other procedures.
Being in the Obstretics side of the ward for my first on-call was definitely an eye opener. I saw 3 vaginal deliveries that night, and hopefully the next time I am on-call I would be able to assist in the delivery process.
One of the patients who came in (the last one whom I witnessed the delivery) really made me think. Let's name her Lady 3. She came in to the PAC (a maternal A&E kind of thing), with her cervix dilated about 5cm, and she could still walk around smiling, waving to all the nurses and doctors on call.
Gile cool.
And from a far, I could see her face was like.. penuh dengan cahaya nur (tak tau brape watt :P).
And her husband was with her the whole time. (On the day I'm on call, not all patients had their husbands with them through the birth process).
I accompanied her to the labour room, which throughout the time waiting for her cervix to be fully dilated and the baby to be delivered, she was still smiling, talking to her husband, who apparantly was holding her hand the whole time.
Then she felt the contractions which were a few minutes apart (contractions could be felt before that, but this one was of more intense, and of longer duration - signalling the baby's birth). She pushed, and the baby came out (I'll save the gory details for you readers when you are going to give birth - for the ladies, and to witness when you are with your wife in labour - for the men).
She wasn't screaming her lungs out like most of the ladies before.
In fact, she was calm and composed. The baby came out, she held the baby in her hands, and while the midwife and the doctor was cleaning out the vulva, her husband held the baby in his hands and azankan.
Sayu weh.
I couldn't stand it, I went out of the labour room, so that I could compose myself and not cry in the labour room.
My heart just ticked watching the birth process, and having the husband there to show physical support, and when the baby was out, the husband azankan lagik. Wow.
Celebrating the miracle of life.
Going back home that day, with 3 other coursmates, we were talking about this Lady 3 and her husband, how they were so calm and composed throughout the whole labour process (it wasn't her first time though, she has 4 other children), and the fact the husband was there (the other 2 labour process I witnessed before that, the husbands weren't around - time nak buat anak ada, time anak nak keluar tak de lak :(( ), and the husband azan kan the baby (some Muslim husbands were there, tapi anak keluar tak reti nak azan kan or iqamah kan). Adoi.
Bottomline, they were saying, (and I think it goes out to all ladies), if you want to get married, choose a husband who you know would probably will be there for you when you are in labour. :D
You know when you are away from the laptop, and thinking about something, then you just have the idea to update your blog about an issue that concerns you, and when you reach the laptop, *poof* the idea seems to just disappear, and you are left staring at the laptop screen, scratching your head, thinking about what to type in.
I have a lot of that incidents lately. (Phew, finally got that off my chest)
Well let's start about me ranting about my life as a student doctor (as doctor Haw puts it) at the Ob & Gyn ward in HKL.
I had my first on-call at the labour room last week. As the name says, it is where the pregnant mothers have labour and deliver their babies. As the student doctor in my university, you are supposed to witness and deliver (with permission of the doctor on call, nurses, midwives and in circumstances you have already witness a number of vaginal deliveries) about 10 vaginal deliveries (spontaneous births) and a number of other procedures.
Being in the Obstretics side of the ward for my first on-call was definitely an eye opener. I saw 3 vaginal deliveries that night, and hopefully the next time I am on-call I would be able to assist in the delivery process.
One of the patients who came in (the last one whom I witnessed the delivery) really made me think. Let's name her Lady 3. She came in to the PAC (a maternal A&E kind of thing), with her cervix dilated about 5cm, and she could still walk around smiling, waving to all the nurses and doctors on call.
Gile cool.
And from a far, I could see her face was like.. penuh dengan cahaya nur (tak tau brape watt :P).
And her husband was with her the whole time. (On the day I'm on call, not all patients had their husbands with them through the birth process).
I accompanied her to the labour room, which throughout the time waiting for her cervix to be fully dilated and the baby to be delivered, she was still smiling, talking to her husband, who apparantly was holding her hand the whole time.
Then she felt the contractions which were a few minutes apart (contractions could be felt before that, but this one was of more intense, and of longer duration - signalling the baby's birth). She pushed, and the baby came out (I'll save the gory details for you readers when you are going to give birth - for the ladies, and to witness when you are with your wife in labour - for the men).
She wasn't screaming her lungs out like most of the ladies before.
In fact, she was calm and composed. The baby came out, she held the baby in her hands, and while the midwife and the doctor was cleaning out the vulva, her husband held the baby in his hands and azankan.
Sayu weh.
I couldn't stand it, I went out of the labour room, so that I could compose myself and not cry in the labour room.
My heart just ticked watching the birth process, and having the husband there to show physical support, and when the baby was out, the husband azankan lagik. Wow.
Celebrating the miracle of life.
Going back home that day, with 3 other coursmates, we were talking about this Lady 3 and her husband, how they were so calm and composed throughout the whole labour process (it wasn't her first time though, she has 4 other children), and the fact the husband was there (the other 2 labour process I witnessed before that, the husbands weren't around - time nak buat anak ada, time anak nak keluar tak de lak :(( ), and the husband azan kan the baby (some Muslim husbands were there, tapi anak keluar tak reti nak azan kan or iqamah kan). Adoi.
Bottomline, they were saying, (and I think it goes out to all ladies), if you want to get married, choose a husband who you know would probably will be there for you when you are in labour. :D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)