That moment

You know that moment, after you watch a movie or a downloaded series or a videoclip?

The moment where you feel that you are back in reality after being absorped into what you are watching, and forgetting what you are facing in the world for the time being?

The moment where you realized that you have to go back to your ordinary lives.

The moment where you realized how time has just skipped through while you are watching something.

I just had that moment.

And how I just loathe the fact that I had to sleep after watching something that made me cry throughout the whole 40minutes, and wake up to face what I have been facing for the past 8 weeks.

And how I still have an exam scheduled during the 2nd week of February.

And how I've came this far and stilled stumbled and had thought block during presentation. Damn la. It's not anger, not sadness, just the feeling of being let down. Kecewa.


The moment is still here, and I'm waiting for it to pass. Life must go on after all.

It's that time again

The time where all the notes will be filled with streaks of colour due to highlights.

The time when every word spoken by the lecturer will be jotted down, although the information might be repetitive.

The time where you can't go out and be carefree, but instead, going out will make you feel guilty for not studying.

Yup. It's that time again. The time for the end-posting exam. AAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I guess she is right

Right. So this is going to be a war of words i guess in the end.

I was wondering real bad, what triggered Mr. Jack to be so pissed off before this.

Then I understood. The phrase "To Kill A Mockingbird". As in "to kill".

Okay let me explain to u further Mr. Jack.

I know that the blog entry you wrote before was from your friendster.

I knew you because of that blog entry.

If I'm not wrong I did left a blog comment for that blog, saying how you should not judge a whole community, a.k.a medical students just by one blog.

But the 'keep on feeding your egoistical facade' foot note. I knew it was for me.

I mean like duh. My blog's name is 'Behind the egoistic facade.'

And I did wanted to be friends.

Since you said that I am unlike you because I am a 'killer' huh, telling people how I felt that I wanted to kill you and all?

Firstly, that book "to kill a mockingbird", there were no birds in it. There were killings how ever, but none referred to the bird.

I was seriously just taking the phrase literally because it sounded nice, and not because I wanted to kill you.

I'm a medical student for God's sake, and I am supposed to help people heal.

Then I admit, it was my mistake using that title. I could have used another title. Such as "Alice in Wonderland" and change it to "Sparrow in wonderland."

Would you still be pissed off? I guess you would.

Since you have been posting comments for my few previous entries, (yup. I know, my blog isn't like yours, you probably have a gazillion hits more than I do every single minute, let alone every single day.)

I put the title "to kill a mockingbird" literally to say, how much despised I was that the blog entry was made in such a way like mine.

But I meant it when I said that it is a start to a new friendship.

*yeah, so now I'm a killer and a liar too huh?*

And you just have to go on and on saying about how I probably lost some contract with some people and so on?

Right. I know my writing isn't that good.

I know I'm writing just for fun.

However I didn't know that that phrase "to kill a mockingbird sparrow" would hurt so much.

To me it was a title of a book. A book that I really liked. And I just used the phrase. But I didn't mean that I would want to kill you.

So we are not the same. (Earlier before, I meant we are the same as in we are both egoistic.) But fair enough, I'm the egoistic one here because I have the freaking facade at my blog.

The last time I remembered everyone still inhaled oxygen to live. Everyone still needed blood to be pumping through their veins. Everyone still needed to have physiological bowel movements and passing urine.


*so i'm a killer, a liar and a mutant now huh?*

Well whatever, so I removed the freaking blog entry that pointed out to you about that thing you did, which seem so minute compared to that one blog entry you wrote about me, emphasising the detail of what I said, and whatever.

Right.

Do what you want maestro.

What are my words compared to yours?

After all, you're the one who reads all the journals and is very interested in medicine, unlike most of the medical students (whom me included - were kinda forced into the programme because of our parents).

So I'm the meanest bitch because I blogged about wanting to kill a sparrow. I would have sent people to kill you instead of pasting in the blogging arena for the whole world to see.

You can dissect every single mistake I made in the past 24 hours, that's for sure.

You can read more medical journals than me that's for sure.

But could you really understand how a medical student think just by hanging out with the person a few times, moreover by just a few exchange of sentences over ym?

*it's so easy for you to write this sentence : Maybe you forget why you do not receive as much. Maybe you forget that you do not give as much. Maybe you forget that is why.*

Yup. This blog entry is especially for mr.jacksparrow.

Maybe I'm not the first person to volunteer to fly over to the Gaza strip when the war between the Israel and Palestine occured.

Maybe I'm not the first person to help the blind man cross the street and into the bus.

But to judge me just by one blog entry? Just by that one phrase? Just because it hurts you that much?

*yeah, it doesn't matter if other people hurt, as long as you're not*


And like I said earlier, do what you want in your blog. Even if it involves dissecting my every mistake of even going to your blog in your first place, and reading your blog entry which looks almost like mine (and you admitted it too), and deleting the blog entry, and putting another entry about my wrongdoings, and about a gazillion other things I guess which could relate to me, because I'm a medical student.

Do what you want. But thing is I can't say I don't care, because I do care. I tried to move on from writing this freaking blog entry, but I can't because I do care. And I'm ending up not writing my freaking case write up which I'm supposed to sent to my supervisor tomorrow, because I do care about what you write about me.



Another fellow coursemate warned me about this happening, how you will always be the last one standing at the end of.. well.. any disputes?

I guess she is right.

What actually happened

Okay. So maybe I over-reacted a bit. Maybe a lot. Let's just say that the past week had been really hard for me, too much drama, too little time, too much to do. That pretty much sums it up.

But I knew most of my posting mates were really surprised when I had an emotional meltdown when our lecturer decided to just leave the class because I did not write my presentation nicely in a piece of white A4 paper.

And yes, I did cry. And a lot. I don't even know how I looked like, but I bet I must have looked dreadful on that day. It was the epitome of the bad week, I felt so inadequate in my knowledge, I felt so lost, I felt so left out.

I went to KLCC at that instance, went to the place I thought would be most comforting to me - Kinokuniya.

Sitting there, and taking my time to exhale and assess what exactly happened on that fateful day, was actually harder done than said.

I felt my eyes becoming watery, and I left KLCC, with a packet of Famous Amos cookies in my hand, as I knew, a girl's best friend when she's pissed off is chocolates. Well for me especially I suppose.

How could I explain how I really felt that day?

It's not depressed. It's more like I lost my spirit to be a medical student. I lost the desire to learn, to go to the hospital, or to just help people.

I lost my spirit to actually do anything.

But I forced myself to go to the hospital anyway the very next day, even though I feel like shit, and probably looked like shit too, because I knew crying in my room or sleeping in my bed for days would not help. Although it probably would make me feel a tad bit better.

Thank God I had the coursemates who actually talked me into doing stuff with them, and talking about what happened, and lifted up my spirits. And some other people who lifted up my spirits too by listening to the crap I have to say although they probably didn't understand what the whole fuss is all about.

But today, I went over that obstacle, I presented, though not that well (hopefully I could do better in the days to come), but I didn't feel that anxious anymore.

And I definitely have my spirit back.

:D

Haywire

"Farah, is my boyfriend with you now?"

"You can do your homevisits starting next week tau, Farah"

"Farah, the PPH presentation part that I'm supposed to do is the same like yours."

"Farah, how come I've never seen you before in the wards?"

"Farah, ni tanda yang you tak yah gy kelas pas ni"

"Farah, you coming to the OT or not?"

"Farah, rambut ko mcm dah panjang"

"Do you know or don't know?"

"Farah, come here! Check her pulse"

"Farah, ko free time CNY?"

Farah is going haywire. All sentences heard cannot be processed until further notice.

Pictorials

Too many words in this blog for the time being. Time to put up pictures to divert attention. :P

Last deed of the year.



Donating blood for the blood bank. :D



The next few pics about the labour room.



How we are expected to dress in the labour room. This is what we do while waiting for babies to be delivered.



Initially all of us acted like this.
(Monolog dalaman : Bestnye, dapat sambut baby! We are the first thing the lil baby sees when he/she goes out of the mother's womb :D )



Very the 'Grey's Anatomy' kan baju die?
(Monolog dalaman : Bile nak kuar baby ni? Lama dah tunggu)



Pose.
(Monolog dalaman : Dah brape lama aku kat sini, ha?)



In the end.
(Monolog dalaman : Let's just stare into space, and wait for time to pass by.)

With eyes wide open Part II

At first, my impression was 'what comes around, goes around'. And the fact that consequences should be considered and weighed before any action done. (Not that I have been proud of every single thing I've done, I've made mistakes too)

But now since it has become a nation wide fiasco, with the name being known throughout the blogging arena, somehow, all the emotions I had came down to this : pity.

Pity because there must be gazillions of people doing the same thing, but difference is they didn't get caught. Like I said, I've made mistakes too, and what makes a whole difference is, this mistake has became an issue known to everyone. And everyone seems to want to have a say with what is happening.

I guess although the relationship between us has never really been good, through out the years, I guess as a fellow human being, and as we used to go to the same institution to study, I'm wishing you all the best, and that you could pull through from all this distress.

After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

But, of course, along the way of recovery, you'd probably wish you were dead.

Still, I don't wish that things would get worse.

Good luck in your journey to recovery. Mistakes happen. Just show to them how tough you could be. I'm sure all of us would be supporting you along the way. After all, we came from the same origin anyway.

With eyes wide open

Yes. God is great. If you do bad stuff, you will get bad stuff too in the end. No matter how long ago you did it. It's just a matter of time before your evil act gets back to you.

What comes around, goes around.

The Greatest Technology To Date

If I had to choose 3 of the greatest technology to date, it would be the handphone, the internet and.. ipods? Hehe.

But basically I do think that the handphone is the best technology to date. It keeps people connected from one end of the world to another. It is an assuring tool, to tell people that the one loved is safe when they are apart. Or to know that they are not waiting in vain when the one they are supposed to meet are late. Or to know that getting help when they have car problems in the middle of the highway in the middle of the night is just a call away.

There is no denying that the handphone is a great technology.

But with every great tool, there are the pros and cons as well. Some people may well off lie about their whereabouts with the handphone, saying shitty stuff like "I'm on the way" when they just got out of bed.

Besides that, it just stops all hopes and dreams. For instance, if you really want to get connected to another person, by all means you can call or text that person. But if you really want to show that you wish to ignore that person, you will not answer the person's call or text messages. So it really breaks a persons heart and stops them from hoping that anything magical may happen between you and them.

It makes me think that maybe people living in the age where there were no handphones, and phones itself is hard to find, are definitely more truthful people.

For once, they keep to their promise, because they can't confirm with the other person about plans throught the phone, but instead just go by the other person's word. Secondly, they are definitely more punctual. Perhaps. Because they can't call the other person waiting saying that they are "on the way". Besides that, it would definitely be hard to trace a person that you have lost. So everyone would definitely appreciate each other more.

But hey, I am going pro-handphones here. It still is a great tool and means of communication.

However, no matter how great a handphone is, it is not of any use if :

a) The handphone has no battery in them

b) You left the phone at home when you are going out.

And I did both of them today. (The handphone was at low battery, and I accidently left it at home T_T)

So I felt how it was like to be living and just trusting a person's word, and be more punctual then days before. :P