tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55530334053069159712024-03-14T17:38:36.645+08:00Behind the egoistic facadeThe twisted mind of FWEFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.comBlogger295125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-63274058106225998472012-05-14T08:58:00.000+08:002012-05-14T08:58:54.665+08:00the bigger pictureI guess I have been looking at it all wrong all this while. Concentrating on the smaller picture when I have my whole life ahead of me. My whole life for people to look at what I did before, and see the mistakes along the way. It is a continuous struggle for everything, to get a better career, to look good, to have a better spouse and so on. But it doesn't mean when you struggle things doesn't get your way. Maybe God has better plans. Maybe for once letting go of thinking too much and let God do all the thinking isn't that bad. Maybe for once going with the flow would be pretty nice, instead of pushing against it, trying to make it go our way, or what we think is best for us. After all, we mere mortals know so little, the tip of the iceberg, and act as if we know it all.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-21036847605425103302012-03-11T22:17:00.003+08:002012-03-11T22:20:10.225+08:00I don't write often, but when I do, I get emotional<div style="text-align: justify;">The problem with humans? We not only have the capability to love or to hate someone, but also to miss someone. It's because we are genetically programmed to feel lonely, requiring the constant reminder and reassurance that someone will be there for us, no matter how distant they are. And here we sit, feeling lonely, and then we start missing that one special person, or persons.<br />And at this very moment, the only thing left to do is to hope that special person too, is missing us. :)<br /></div>EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-85544488757444028242012-03-05T19:36:00.003+08:002012-03-05T19:37:39.094+08:00damn youIn this life, there's always going to be some assholes who will make you feel that you are not worth who you are, who always says that you are not good enough, and that you are just never, ever, going to be the best.<br /><br />What are you going to do? Cower in shame or fight back and prove their sorry assess wrong?EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-8105019624381537362012-02-05T20:23:00.003+08:002012-02-05T20:25:57.774+08:00Ignorance is blissI think people who are assholes will remain assholes no matter what even though they have those 'paper qualifications' to prove to the world how much smarter they are supposed to be than us mere mortals.<br /><br />But a simple fact is, calling people fat is not going to make you thin, calling people stupid is not going to make you smart.<br /><br />I guess once they took to many tests to get to the much appreciated 'paper qualification' they forgot how to act civilized anymore.<br /><br />I guess ignorance is bliss.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-22472052538239913292011-12-31T08:48:00.002+08:002011-12-31T09:23:33.238+08:00And what's left?I guess I got an epiphany yesterday. Or was it a day before because I just forgot about blogging it and went to work instead?<br /><br />Anyways, most of the people who are my seniors already are packing their bags and leaving the hospital, as MOs. I guess it really is a bitter sweet moment, as HOs you do all the fucked up donkey work, get screwed from all sides, work not only as the so-called first liner, but also as the professional PPK to send blood, to take all the vital signs when the nurses are enjoying their chats in the pantry, and also to trace the results and get into the constant war with the lab staff just to make sure that the patient's blood results are doing fine. Yeah, that's what you go through as the HO. Although we are in that situation, the specialist always have our asses covered. No matter what. And now, that safety net is gone, and you have to survive on your own in this world. So they left, with smiles, but maybe their hearts are beating so fast, they couldn't even realize it, wondering "What will be the challenges that lie ahead?"<br /><br />As I saw them walking away, maybe walking with their heads held high as they finished the 2 years needed to be call a full pledged doctor, I realized that no matter what, footsteps of them will always be in the hospital. Then I got that epiphany, maybe I want to be remembered for the good reasons. I want my stay to be memorable as a good doctor, as one who actually <span style="font-style: italic;">tries </span>to save the world from devastation.<br /><br />Maybe that's what I'll do in the few months to come before I say good bye too.<br /><br />And after that, we all will part ways too. What's left? Just memories. And maybe to some, the bad memories will be remembered more rather than the good ones.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-2109605497671381152011-12-14T23:50:00.002+08:002011-12-15T00:04:31.334+08:00Maybe I didn't get the memo.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bpho7mScLB4/TujF2JAHjoI/AAAAAAAABXA/7v-nWkjTO8U/s1600/Losing%2BMyself_33572510.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 356px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bpho7mScLB4/TujF2JAHjoI/AAAAAAAABXA/7v-nWkjTO8U/s400/Losing%2BMyself_33572510.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5686012063475273346" border="0" /></a>This totally explains how I feel right now.<br /><br />It has been a great deal of time ever since I last blogged, because suddenly I just felt like it wasn't personal anymore.<br /><br />But I'm losing my fucking mind here. I needed to rant out.<br />I didn't want to call my besties and bother them with my so-called-the-world-would-end-for-me problems, because they really aren't, it's just the fact that I'm being overly dramatic, or maybe the fact that I really just wanted the attention.<br /><br />I really don't know how long I can stand being in the position I am right now. Unsure.<br /><br />Although I've planned so many things for my future, it seems pretty bleak now.<br />Praying to God, maybe not hard enough to show me the light for the future.<br /><br />It's tough. Life is tough. Maybe all the story books when we were young should have given us the heads up instead of ending happily ever after like Cinderella, Snow White or whatever princess they created as a part of consumerism and the parents and children will eat it all up and spend countless amount of hard earned money on things like this.<br /><br />Rantings.<br /><br />First of all, about work.<br /><br />I don't get why some people have to be so mean when accepting referrals. Or why some people question every single thing that you do, as if it is totally wrong. Weren't you one of us in the first place? Didn't you feel how it felt like to be judged under a microscope trying hard not to stand out to much because of the uncertainties that you have? Didn't you know how much it hurts when every single thing you said is replied with a shout? Weren't you a human first before you became the so-called life saver or physician?? Did you hit your head hard on a brick on the road to success?<br /><br />Boo you.<br /><br />Secondly about relationships.<br /><br />I could feel him falling out of my grasp. It never really was a relationship anyway, maybe just a one sided, official one for both of us. Now it seems he have found someone who suits him better. And why am I feeling jealous? He never was mine in the first place.<br /><br />It hurts so much because everyone else seems so happy. They always say someday we will get to be the heroin for our life story too, not always the supporting actress all the time. But when will my time come? I'm too tired playing the supporting actress. I need a break too.<br /><br />I keep thinking about the one who I told I like him and super freaked out too. Wondered what could have been if I didn't say I liked him. Or maybe if he felt the same way that I felt. But I guess it will always be a wonder. Because he doesn't feel the same way. That, I know.<br /><br />And the other one, I'm not even sure what that one feels about me. Why are they so complicated? I can't read feelings like I read books.<br /><br />Which brings me to the third thing, I can't seem to concentrate to study. I try my best to read, but end up staring at the words in the book, which sort of jumble up, trying their best to make my mind more messed up than it already is.<br /><br />The worse part is, the more I read, the more I feel insecure, as if I didn't know anything about anything from the start.<br /><br />What is wrong with this feeling?<br /><br />Why does everyone else seem like they know what they are doing?<br /><br />Or is it just me being lost now. Maybe I didn't get the memo.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-72299849141776929082011-05-10T22:03:00.004+08:002011-05-10T22:15:05.864+08:00life as it isAs a doctor, it's a norm to face death almost every single day.<br />It is however different if it is one of us on the other side.<br />It became big news when one of us appeared at the A&E yesterday, lifeless.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Drowned</span>, they said.<br /><br />I was in the HDU clinic when the word reached my ears.<br />The name doesn't ring a bell though. We continued to talk on about this fellow comrade, who once was in my seat at this point of time.<br />He went on and became an MO.<br /><br />Then one of those in the clinic described how he looked like. I then realized that I met this person before when I was doing one of my peripheral call. He was the MO oncall that night too.<br />And what made me remember it was the fact that he asked who I was when I handed over the case. He said he never saw me before in the hospital. I proceeded to say I'm already in my 3rd posting. I guess we never really crossed paths.<br /><br />My heart goes to his family.<br />It hits close to me as I like to go swimming, and I've been in places like that too.<br />Running in my head is the fact that I could have been in the very same situation, should I slip up a bit.<br /><br />I guess what I'm stating here is, we're doctors. We're human too.<br /><br />It's harder to grasp the truth when you've trained yourself to save others, but when it comes to one of us, we can't do anything.<br /><br />A colleague at work today was excited about taking his turn off and going to Penang.<br />He said "I'll be in Penang tomorrow. What will you be doing?"<br /><br />I turned to him and said "The same thing I do everyday. Try to save the world from devastation."<br /><br />To which my MO said, "What uniform will you be wearing then?"<br /><br />And all the HO's in the room turned to her and the very colleague going to Penang said "This white coat."EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-38646808968241818712011-04-24T19:07:00.002+08:002011-04-24T19:09:42.724+08:00moving onIn my brother's car in KL one day<br /><br />Me : You know, my ex bf has a new gf already. *sigh*<br /><br />3 second silence.<br /><br />My brother : Well, sometimes that's what people do you know. It's called <span style="font-weight: bold;">moving on</span>.<br /><br />@#$%$# betol.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-11650038130718916082011-04-10T21:04:00.003+08:002011-04-10T21:18:52.970+08:00About deathI had a dream that my father had a heart attack. I was crying in my sleep. In my dream I rushed back to KL, thinking over and over in the plane ride why I chose to leave KL. To pursue my so-called dream? Leaving my parents alone at home? As I woke up, it was in the middle of the night, I was still weeping. It took me a few hours to realize that I woke up already. The first thing I did that morning was call back home. Listening to my father pick up the phone, muttering "Hello" into the ear piece calmed me down. But I couldn't help feeling the tears streaming down my face. What if it was real? What if death did happen? How would I react?<br /><br />I asked for my brother, who according to my father that time was asleep. I told him about the dream. My brother that is. I couldn't muster the courage to tell my father I dreamt he died. My brother reassured me that it was okay. My father was still well, and very well alive.<br /><br />I kept on wondering why I dreamt about my father that day, or just about death itself.<br />Maybe because I've been working in the industry where I meet death almost everyday.<br />People come and go, and every other day there will be patients who require CPR in the ward.<br /><br />That day, we had one patient just sent up from A&E. He was diagnosed to have septic shock. At the ward, suddenly one of the nurses shouted out that patient's BP was unrecordable. We commenced CPR. There were a few medical students following our rounds that day, and they too, attended to the patient. I started CPR, followed by my colleagues. I then held the responsibility of bagging the patient. This time around there were a lot of bloody secretions from this patient, almost 500mls suctioned out. As the resuscitation was taking place, I saw the old man looking at us, eyes tired. As we tried to pump the very last drops of his blood to his brain to carry oxygen, his eyes got more droopy by the minute.<br /><br />At that point I thought, if he could say something, what would it be? Would he ask us to stop? Would he tell what it feels like to be between life and death?<br /><br />The patient couldn't make it in the end. Resuscitation was stopped after 30minutes.<br /><br />I took off my bloody gloves and cleaned up after the resuscitation. The patient's family members were waiting patiently for us to tell them that the patient was gone. Red faced, crying.<br /><br />I went to the toilet, then realized some of the patient's blood got onto my white coat, my mask and my stetescope. The remnants of the patient being in the ward.<br /><br />I got home, and cleaned up. Told my grandmother of what happened that day.<br />Then my grandmother told me that she was in that condition too, when my grandfather was being resuscitated.<br /><br />Everything was going on so fast, after the CPR she realized my grandfather was gone. She told this tale to me, still teary eyed, after 25 years of my grandfather's death. Is that how much in love she was with my grandfather? That after 25 years she still manages to feel pain and cry for him upon telling this story?<br /><br />I guess I have so much more to learn. Although so many others have moved on and have families of their own, I need to toughen up. Maybe that's why God opened up my heart to chose Sarawak General Hospital as my first choice that day, instead of Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Maybe there's another reason why I'm here. I just haven't see it yet.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-6554957290210336652011-03-21T20:51:00.001+08:002011-03-21T20:53:01.875+08:00statement of the dayTo medium boss<br />Yes, I'm so stupid and blonde boss.<br />Please educate me.<br /><br />To small boss, you're so cute. You make me smile when we're in a tense situation.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-82692914977830445832011-03-20T22:19:00.004+08:002011-03-20T22:48:32.238+08:00open your eyes jacqulineIt's amazing about how much we see, but still choose what we want to have our sight on.<br />Sometimes, it just takes another person to shake you up and point to you the obvious, then something strikes in you and you go 'Why haven't I realize this before?'<br />Because we choose to be ignorant to the fact.<br /><br />Back then, I had these friends who seriously are flirting with each other all the time. It was a matter of time before they got together as a couple. When that actually happens, I actually said to them "It was so obvious that you guys would end up together. I cannot see someone else who would fit each other perfectly." But they said, they never saw it coming.<br /><br />I was with a good guy friend of mine that day, having lunch. It was at one of our favourite places to eat, so we were trying to enjoy ourselves with our meal, while pouring out our thoughts to each other. Those about work, about play and mainly just about anything under the sun.<br /><br />As we were eating, there were many old songs playing in the background. All the classics such as those Diana Ross songs, Boys II Men and all. I guess I am getting older that I can actually say Boys II Men are classics.<br /><br />Anyway, back to the story, suddenly my friend was saying out of the blue "Why are they playing these types of songs now? Totally out of the mood. If I'm with my girlfriend it would have been different". I just smiled. His girlfriend is over the ocean, and I guess he would be meeting her soon enough in a few weeks time.<br /><br />He looked at me and then said "You always say I'm the one who is sentimental, I wonder how it would be like if a guy who wants to court you starts singing to you or something."<br /><br />Then it clicked to me. A guy did try to sing for me, in fact he was a good singer, singing one of my all time favourite songs, substituting my name inside the song instead. I then told my friend this. And then I did add the fact that after the guy did that for me, he actually asked me to be his girlfriend.<br /><br />My friend then asked, what was your response?<br /><br />I got scared I said. So I stopped contacting him.<br /><br />Then we started to talk about people who I went out with. Those I actually thought I had a future with. The pursuit of happiness was fun, but eventually when the guy becomes serious, and pops of the question as in would I be his girlfriend, I freak out and start running the other direction.<br /><br />My friend then started to come to a conclusion.<br /><br />"Now I understand why you don't have a boyfriend. You're afraid of being vulnerable."<br /><br />Well, I'm scared. If I were to be a girlfriend, it means I'm being committed to something. What if it doesn't turn out right? What if suddenly I change my mind?<br /><br />Then my friend said "That's why. You're afraid of commitment. You're committed to work. Why can't you be committed to a relationship as well?<br /><br />Then I said to him "Why bother with titles? It's just the same isn't it? I can still go out with a guy, as a romantic interest, and still have fun right? Why do they have to give it a name? Why do they have to say I'm your boyfriend, and you're my girlfriend?"<br /><br />Then he further explained "Because it changes everything. Saying that you're his girlfriend would mean that you are willing to be committed to him."<br /><br />I cringed.<br /><br />"What's the big deal Farah? You have a guy who would always be there for you, to chauffeur you around, one who would always take your side. Doesn't sound that bad right?"my friend further asked.<br /><br />It's true. But I'd have to do the exact same thing for the guy itself. What if I don't want to? Then I'd be a mean person because I want to be pampered and I can't pamper another person right? I'm not willing to give in.<br /><br />Of course I didn't mention the above statement to him.<br /><br />Instead I said to him "I'm scared. What if something goes wrong?"<br /><br />"You're still unsure. And you go back to square one. But those guys who actually took their time to think and say to you that they want you to be their girlfriend? What about them? <span style="font-weight: bold;">You broke their hearts to pieces.</span>"<br /><br />I just kept quiet.<br /><br />He further proceeded to take his glass, and slurp his drink.<br /><br />I guess that got me thinking.<br /><br />"Until you can figure out what you want, and be ready to be someone's girlfriend, <span style="font-weight: bold;">you'll never get a boyfriend.</span> Because you're still not sure." He ended that topic with that statement.<br /><br />It is true I think. I'm scared of being vulnerable. I'm scared that I might not be able to be a great girlfriend. Most of all, I'm afraid the relationship would not last, and the heartache that comes after.<br /><br />But how do you move on if you're afraid to get your heartbroken? That I have to figure out.<br />Do I really not have time for the pain?<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">*Jacquline was one of my patients in the neurosurgery ward, she had a stroke, and everyday during reviewing her, me and my team mates would assess her GCS score, telling her, 'Open your eyes Jacquline'. But she never did. However she could move her hands, and instead of opening her eyes to that statement, she would lift her left hand (Her stroke affected her right side) and wave to us. </span>EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-74542111385220798822011-02-26T17:35:00.003+08:002011-02-26T17:37:25.604+08:00?In the car somewhere<br /><br />Me : Hey there's Kenyalang Mall! What do they have in there? Kedai-kedai?<br /><br />HKL : ..<br /><br />Me : Well?<br /><br />HKL : ..<br /><br />Me : At least say la, this mall jual apa, kedai apa..<br /><br />HKL : .. My friends use to buy cd cetak rompak and blue movies there..<br /><br />Me : ...EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-2790292759440745602011-02-21T21:37:00.004+08:002011-02-21T21:44:45.786+08:00the day I opened my mouthBefore this, one of my many big bosses decided to tell me about a short course regarding public speaking. After he elaborated further about the details of the course, he told me that it was for a 2 day duration and costs a mere RM25, and he immediately asked whether I was interested with the course.<br /><br />Of course, I immediately say "No", as my weekends are always filled with work in the first place, and I'm not planning to use it going for this course, and secondly, I think that I'm pretty capable of getting my message through to people without having to learn how to communicate.<br /><br />Then, big boss took the paper where I'm supposed to write my name in his hands, look me in the eye, and said "Sometimes, some people do not know the <span style="font-weight: bold;">importance</span> of <span style="font-weight: bold;">something like this.</span>"<br /><br />OMG! When I heard that statement, something in me just snapped! Me? Not knowing the importance of public speaking? Or of communicating?<br /><br />I looked him in the eye, and said "I think I don't need this course. I represented my state in public speaking and got no 3 at a national level. Besides that I was also in debate in high school." Then I ended that note with a smile, or more like a smirk.<br /><br />Big boss paused, looked into my eyes, kept silent for about 3 seconds, then said "Good for you then." and moved on with his life.<br /><br />Old man, don't assume. Just because I don't answer back during rounds, doesn't mean I don't have an opinion you know? After all, being silent could also be an answer at times.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-13016391664896061232011-02-16T00:05:00.003+08:002011-02-16T00:12:31.934+08:00turning nuttyEveryday, I wake up, I hit the snooze button on my handphone. Pick up the towel and bathe, getting ready for work. Drive off to the hospital, do everything I'm supposed to do, go home.<br />Maybe if I had some time, I watch the television. Or maybe I sleep in front of the television. And the cycle repeats itself. Every single day.<br /><br />Today, I actually felt different. An emptiness. Something is wrong somewhere. I don't know what.<br /><br />I sat in front of the laptop, looking through my old pictures. Why am I smiling so widely? Why don't I take more pictures now? Why don't I take more pictures nowadays?<br /><br />Flipping through tabs on the Firefox, everything seems like a blur.<br /><br />Why bother doing anything?<br /><br />As always, I decided to watch tv series or movies to calm myself down.<br /><br />And as always, when I feel this way, I click on 'Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind'<br /><br />Interesting isn't it? Choosing which memories we want to keep or throw away.<br /><br />Maybe I need more time for myself.<br /><br />And break free from this routine I'm going through.<br /><br />I want to move forward, not turn backwards.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-57602778731720824292011-02-13T23:52:00.002+08:002011-02-13T23:55:09.538+08:00Serenaded by himListening to Anuar Zain's song 'Sedetik Lebih'.<br />I don't know why, but I always feel that everytime I listen to Anuar Zain's songs, I could actually be elevated to a different place, a place filled with so much warmth, love and so on. LOL.<br />But seriously, his song this time, touch my heart so much!<br />I feel that I'm in love just listening to him serenading through my earphones.<br />Maybe I should be.<br />The zero has already became one just yesterday.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-21109046246066544932011-02-11T21:29:00.001+08:002011-02-11T21:31:31.147+08:00statement of the daysushi is best enjoyed with company who loves sushi and enjoys talking.<br /><br />and i miss the banana peanut butter crepe i've tasted in phuket before.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-59123182664809342062011-02-10T23:49:00.004+08:002011-02-10T23:58:31.167+08:00maybe I want to fly back after 2 years, immediately.2nd post of the night. Just goes to show how much my mind wonders at this moment.<br /><br />I'm supposed to be studying because big boss is going to be asking questions tomorrow. Have 3 more days to finish Paeds ICU, which is actually kind of fun, really. Boss is kinda cool, lets you do procedures and all, so it's great. Work load is a lot, but it's a great learning experience.<br /><br />I am post call today. In this current posting, during most of my oncalls I'm able to sleep. Therefore, when I couldn't sleep, I'd be very cranky and super pissed. Yesterday I was oncall, able to sleep for almost 7 hours.<br /><br />Then today after work, felt like I wanted to go out somewhere to have a nice dinner. The usual people I go out with are either oncall, or had people to entertain. Contacted some other people, and they too, have dinner plans.<br /><br />*sigh*<br /><br />Suddenly, I can hear the song Lonely by Akon playing in the background of my mind.<br /><br />Post call and have no where to go? No plans at all?<br /><br />Definitely spells out L O S .. don't want to finish that word though. :(<br /><br />At times like this, when I'm awake, trying to read, but my mind keeps on wondering.. I keep on thinking, why did I choose to be here in the first place? Why?<br /><br />Probably if I'm in KL I would be checking out places that would make me feel better.<br />KLCC.<br />Lowyat.<br />Pavillion.<br /><br />Going to eat at places like Subway, Nando's.<br /><br />It is depressing really.<br /><br />Not having the core family around really sucks, no one really understands what is happening.<br /><br />Having a new car to drive around also feels lonely. Maybe last time when my car is out of order, it was kinda fun to be driven around, because it reminds me of times when my father used to drive me off to HKL during my student days.<br /><br />And now I'm staying alone, in a place I now have to adapt to call home, with people whom I think I knew, and trying to get to know people who are already having fun in their lives.<br /><br />Why am I here again? Why?EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-56738453833569426632011-02-10T23:37:00.002+08:002011-02-10T23:39:51.548+08:00so I chose to be like thatThere's always a level of awkwardness you reach when you face a person you have had a fallout with.<br />How can people expect for things to go back the way they do when you at prime with them?<br />Of course everything would go back to square one.<br />Because at the moment the fall out happen, you just don't know each other anymore.<br />For me, I can't look at the person in the eye and just move on.<br />I'm just not that type.<br />So I'd just chose to be a hypocrite.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-90844833861510573112011-02-07T20:46:00.001+08:002011-02-07T20:52:15.844+08:00I lie on the pillow and keep on blinkingI think I do have insomnia.<br />Yesterday I was oncall and I didn't get any sleep at all.<br />I was struggling to keep my eyes open for am reviews. And during rounds, I think I fell asleep while standing right in front of big boss!<br />Hope he wasn't that bad, because he just got back from CNY holidays :P<br />I drank up almost 4 cups of nescafe to work as normal.<br />Now at home, on the bed, lying facing the ceiling, watching the ceiling fan turn, casting shadows on the walls, I realized that I couldn't sleep.<br />How frustrating.<br /><br />I once told a close colleague of mine this problem. Which seems to be more common these days.<br />And he looked at me in the eye and asked me "Cannot sleep? Thinking about guys ah?"<br /><br />('_')EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-34627869562386272832011-02-05T19:38:00.003+08:002011-02-05T19:44:02.053+08:00it is relatableHow I Met Your Mother works because it's so relatable.<br /><br />In one episode,<br /><br />Robin : Ted, am I the biggest idiot in the world?<br /><br />Ted : Think about all of us, 5 years ago, when we first met you.<br /> <br />Marshall and Lily were just boyfriend and girlfriend. Now they're married and thinking about kids.<br /> <br />And Barney.. Barney was never going to commit to anyone, ever. And last year, he fell in love.<br /> <br />And me, I was chasing a girl I was convinced was the one, and now she's one of my closest friends.<br /><br />And you, 5 years ago, you would never choose love over your career. And today you did.<br /><br />Robin : Looks like I'm getting dumber.<br /><br />Ted : No, just more courageous.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-19243884080460349752011-01-29T21:55:00.002+08:002011-01-29T21:57:26.141+08:00damn itAlthough we've moved on and parted ways, although it's on good terms, it still hurts when I see public displays of affection the current gf does to my ex-bf. I guess I am that sentimental. :/EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-73212787681949362012011-01-22T23:02:00.002+08:002011-01-22T23:04:57.771+08:00I sleep better with my own pillowYeah. Pretty long phrase as my title. Which is true by the way. Haven't blogged since like forever.<br />Things are getting better once people start trusting you more.<br />Still have car issues so in the end, once and for all I decided to buy a new car.<br />Got a new Ipod Touch too.<br />So going to get an Iphone once able to.<br />Hopefully life will get more interesting in the next few weeks. :)EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-69724308008948155732011-01-01T22:24:00.001+08:002011-01-01T22:26:00.522+08:00waa..I need to go on a vacation.<br />Damnit.<br />Blame it on the precall blues. :(<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Qz243bOjLC8/TR85UxaNj_I/AAAAAAAABWs/jEOY66ME7Kk/s1600/16042010500.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Qz243bOjLC8/TR85UxaNj_I/AAAAAAAABWs/jEOY66ME7Kk/s400/16042010500.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5557223494221926386" border="0" /></a>This place seems kinda fun too. :P<br /></div>EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-8124072017678771892010-12-31T13:17:00.002+08:002010-12-31T13:20:47.643+08:00when moving on is so hard to doIt's always hard to know how to act when someone cries in front of you.<br />Do you cry as well?<br />Do you give comforting words?<br />Or just listen?<br /><br />I usually chose to listen. Because I'm not really good at comforting words.<br />And I tell them, just go back, sleep, and wake up to a whole new day.<br /><br />Which I too know is hard to do.<br /><br />But the world will keep on spinning, the sun will still rise and clock will still tick no matter what.<br /><br />It takes every ounce of courage to walk out the door, and put up a brave front.<br /><br />And tell the world "Bring it on."EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553033405306915971.post-60959167397581155342010-12-28T21:33:00.002+08:002010-12-28T21:38:22.649+08:00:(The weather seems to agree with my gloomy mood this evening. As I walked in the rain, with an umbrella in one hand, I looked up above to see grey clouds making their way across the sky. The rain kept on falling, making bigger puddles on the ground, soaking pants walking in them.<br /><br />Rushing past all the cars, I made my way up to the nursery. Frantically going around, lifting objects, pushing away books at counters, merely so that I could fine the plastic encased blue ipod, to no avail.<br /><br />I lost it. After almost 3 years with me. RM800 down the drain. Due to my irresponsibility?My forgetfulness? Me going around everywhere with the pager and forgetting items all over the place?<br /><br />I lost my ipod nano.<br /><br />I've been thinking about getting an Ipod touch, but this is definitely not the way I want to let go of my previous ipod.<br /><br />Somehow along the way,just hearing someone ask me softly about how I'm doing comforted me much.<br /><br />Wow. Such an impact.<br /><br />My eyes grew larger, and my heart opened up.<br /><br />Maybe I should head that way instead.EFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18179029937822128618noreply@blogger.com0