So here I was sitting on the bed, back from a family gathering for berbuka puasa.
Then my grandma goes "Farah, don't you have a boyfriend?" *of course la the conversation is all in Bahasa Sarawak right, but I translate la, if not people don't understand :P*
Then I said "Don't have"
I know this conversation will come up sooner or later, seeing that I'm turning 24 this year, and most of my cousins are getting engaged and having weddings and so on and so forth.
My grandma then goes "Well this is the age that you have to find someone. If you miss the boat, you'll be single forever"
I know grandma. I'm trying to find someone too. Trying to find someone I like, and care about, and maybe have a future together. But I haven't found that person yet. :(
So I answered "What to do? Jodoh tak sampai lagi"
Then my grandma just went off and do whatever she did la.
But it's true what. Kalo jodoh dah tak de what to do?
With the state I am in now, I think I'm married to my job.
It's not that I'm not trying to go out with people, I do. I just couldn't really find the right person.
Those I thought was the right person already have a significant other.
I know people say may the best person win, but it wouldn't be right to be the third person either right?
A few times I was stuck in the 3rd person position, thinking whether or not I should ruin that relationship just so that I could get that guy to be mine.
But I didn't. Maybe it's the best thing to do. But I guess not the best thing to do for my love life.
I seriously am scared of growing old alone. But I can't force myself to be with any guy who asks me out.
Even before I left for Kuching, a guy asked for my hand in marriage. Saying that if I agreed, we should just be engaged before I go to Kuching. He's a nice guy, has a great paying job and all. Looks wise - pleasant. The only thing is I don't think I'm ready to be committed to a relationship. What more to be engaged??
I told this situation to a close friend of mine who told me that I should have did a solat istiharah to know whether this guy is the right one for me. Maybe I should. But my basic instinct told me that I'm just not ready.
I don't know either la. Sometimes, I feel like just fast forwarding time to see who my husband is going to be.
But I guess no such thing really happens. *sigh*