Facebook can be depressing at times.

Everyone else seems to be living in the lands where the grass is greener than your area.

Especially when those people come in pairs.

The most tiring part is packing, moving and unpacking stuff. It makes me realize how much stuff I have, and how I should be grateful, and how I should shop for more stuff even though I want to.

I wish there is such service to help us pack and repack.

It just gets so tiring everytime we have to move somewhere. And the next pitstop now would be Serdang. Quieter definitely, but fun? I doubt it.

KL is still the way to go. No curfew. Or so la.

Everything can be reached within minutes. I'll miss KL. Maybe it's due to the fact that I'm probably going to live out of KL for the next few years that I'm getting pretty emotional about this current move out of KL.

But I am pretty emotional about a lot of stuff. People look at the glass half full, I look at it as half empty.

That's just the way my mind works. Everyone can write whatever shit they want in their blog for all I care, but I'm going to write about how emotional life is. And that is how it is going to be, and if you don't like it, you can just move on to another blog. So there.

I've gotta go, gotta pack my damn stuff up.

Depressed people eat a lot. It's amazing how much food you can eat when you really don't think about the calories or anything else. Just open your mouth and chew and swallow. Or just skip the chewing part, or even the tasting part, just swallow and swallow. And the stomach seems to be a bottomless pit. No matter how much food has been eaten.

I just had this feeling, that no matter what I read, I wasn't going to be able to answer the questions given by my examiner for the long case in surgery.

And apparantly it was true.

Damn. T_T

Then I started thinking, what the hell have I been doing for the past 2 months in the surgery posting? Eating? Driving? Going to wards? Why can't I answer the freaking questions for God's sake?

Maybe I slept too early. Maybe I spent too much time on the internet. Maybe I spent too much time eating. Maybe.. just maybe.. all the maybe's in the world and I keep on thinking.

As I was sitting in KLCC, watching the clouds passing by against the background of blue skies and the many tall buildings in KL, I started wondering, what have I been spending my time on these few weeks??

Of course, maybe this is all just due to the "no mood effect" due to the long case I've had earlier on.

And this monday the whole fiasco starts all over again, time just seems to be running out so fast, and there's not even enough time to breathe!!

Help. Seriously, help.

Sometimes, I feel that I might be learning how to be a healer, but I'll end up in a different profession later on.

*sigh*

Does it make me a bad person if I feel pissed off looking at other people, especially people I dislike, not hate, but just merely dislike being happy? Being able to live their lives so carefree??

Probably feeling this way is actually just entrapping myself, because it just goes to show how I can't move on unlike them. Why? Hey, it just pisses me off you know, why are they so happy? Why do good things happen to them? Why are they so lucky??

I'm not a bad person. I don't lie to people. I don't steal people's money. I watch my words when I speak, I try my best not to offend people. When people ask me for help I try my best to help them. When people come to me with a last minute task, I go all out to assist them.

Why do I have to see other people get their happy ending? When is mine coming?

Now the question is, will mine ever come??

It just pisses me off to no end. I deserve better.

I keep on waiting for my time to come. My time to be enjoying life and all. When will that happen?

Pissed off betul.

Sometimes I wish, I could just tell them straight to the face, hey biatch/bastard, you don't deserve this thing! You are just a good for nothing asshole, who didn't work hard enough for this to happen, and bad things would happen to you! I curse the day I met you, I wish I never knew you, I wish I could be out of the state I am now because of knowing you! You suck bigggggggggggg timmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Ah damn it la.

Medical dinner 2009/2010 - it actually happened

Photo with matrix classmates.

Photo with fellow bloggers.

Cover-worthy shot. :P

Too awesome to be conclusive

"I hope our new apartment is going to be better than the one now. Or at least of the same standard," said Elina, as she packed her stuff into cardboard boxes with the name "Elina" written in block letters on it by a black marker pen.

"Well, it couldn't get any worse could it?"said her roomate, Cheryl. Both of them laughed.

Elina recalled back, their old apartment, was an old building, and it was falling apart by the minute. The paint was peeling off, the fan was not functioning properly, and not forgetting to mention the fact that it was located very near the forest, inviting mosquitoes during the night.

Their new apartment would be much closer to their faculty, however, she has never actually seen the place. The deal was made over the phone, arranged by Cheryl's father.


The sound of the strummings of a guitar suddenly broke the silence. It was Elina's phone ringing.

After she was done with the phone call, Cheryl asked "You're so into that song aren't you? That dude who sang it at that gig.."

"Not just any dude Cher!! It's Razy for God's sake!! I've told you again and again. He's my soon-to-be boyfriend.." Elina exclaimed.

"That you haven't met yet by the way" added Cheryl, which remark made Elina smirk.

It was true, Elina haven't met Razy before, she stumbled upon his songs on the internet. She went to a gig before to hear his songs, but she came late, and he had already finished performing. She had to settle by listening to his songs online, and knowing his face just by the cover of his album.


"Is that your last box? I want to reach the new place before dark." said Cheryl as she walked out the door towards her car.

Elina lifted the last box, took a last look around her old apartment, and moved on with Cheryl towards the car.

* * * *

As they were reaching the new apartment, Elina saw white apartments, about 6 storey's high, with a guard at the entrance to the area.

"A definite upgrade from our old apartment" thought Elina in her mind.

Cheryl parked her car next to the nearest elevator. Elina looked around the area, there was a grocery store below the apartment, and she decided that she could use a 100 plus drink to quench her thirst. Moving is not something she enjoyed, but she had got used to it as her father was in the army before, and she was constantly packing and repacking her stuff, heading towards a new beginning.

Elina entered the grocery store, and headed straight for the cold canned drinks section. As she was getting nearer to the large refridgerator, she realized a guy with tousled, curly hair, in a white, crumpled shirt and blue jeans with a guitar hung at his back, and his back facing her, was blocking her way to getting her much wanted 100 plus.

"Excuse me?" Elina said.

The guy turned around.

"He seems pretty familiar" Elina thought.

"I'm sorry.. I'm blocking your way" the guy said, smiled, and moved out of the way.

Elina went ahead and reached for her 100 plus can, still thinking about where she could have met the guy before. Her high school? Her pre-university institution? Her music class? Her art class?

The guy lingered around in the store, looking at the snack aisle, now holding an M&M packet in one hand, and a Cadbury bar in another.

"Wait.. the guitar.. the white shirt.. could it be??"

Thoughts rushed through Elina's mind, and she started to brisk walk, almost breaking out into a run, going towards the guy.

"Ehem." Elina cleared her throat.

"Yeah?" the guy said, with his eyebrow up, wondering why suddenly Elina came back to him.

"Are you.. Razy?? That singer??"

The guy started to look at Elina with a puzzled face.

"You know.. that song.. Can I see you tonight.. would it be alright.. "

Elina started singing the first two lines of the song.

The puzzled look seemed to continue on the guy's face.

"OMG. This is not Razy. He probably is someone else. I am so insane. Liking Razy so much that I'm imagining every guy who looks a bit like him to be him"

Elina started to blush, thinking that she made such a fool of herself.

She muttered a soft "Sorry, wrong person" under her breath and walked towards the cashier, eager to make her payment fast, and quickly exit the store.

"Stupid. stupid. stupid" Elina mentioned again and again in her mind.

She could feel her cheeks getting warm.

"2 ringgit" the cashier said, in a monotonous voice.

As she reached for her purse, suddenly she heard the song again.

"can i see you tonight.. would it be alright.. " but this time, the whole first verse.

The song seemed so near, the voice so well known to Elina.

She turned, and saw the guy singing the song, but this time with the strumming of the guitar he was bringing.

Now, Elina was puzzled.

"I thought.."she said, softly

The guy smiled.

Elina smiled too, but still felt puzzled.

"I am Razy. I just.. urm" Then he just chuckled.

Elina laughed too.

"I guess he must be bored seeing people going up to him all the time, trying to get him to sing to them huh?" Elina suddenly thought.

"I'm sorry. How can I make it up to you?" Razy asked.

"Well, you could sing me that song.."Elina mentioned, and smiled.

Razy smiled too.

***

Elina's phone rang for the third time in the row.

"I've got to go back now. Cheryl's been calling for 3 times already" Elina stated.

"Aww.. come on, it's not like you haven't been out late before" Razy said.

They were sitting at the bench near the apartment area, and it was almost 1am in the morning.

"Naa.. I have to go back, I don't stay out that late, especially with a guy"Elina said, and got up from the seat.

"Ok, I get it, I'll send you to your apartment" Razy said again, and they went towards the escalator.

Apparantly, Razy stayed in the same housing area as well, but in a different block. Their first meeting at the grocery store made them become close friends, and they have been hanging out with each other almost every day now, for almost 3 weeks.

Razy seemed like a pretty normal guy, going to work in the bank and coming back in the evenings. During weekends, he performs at gigs, and invites Elina to join him. Basiclly, they enjoyed each other's company.

Elina opened the door to her apartment, to see Cheryl sitting at the living room, arms folded, looking mad.

"Ehem.." Elina cleared her throat. She always did that when she's nervous.

"You're late! You never stay out this late before!" Cheryl said.

Elina just kept quiet. They always look out for each other, and Cheryl has always considered her as a sister, a younger sister in fact, that Cheryl had to protect.

"Ever since you're going out with that Razy guy, you're never in the apartment, you come back late, you don't answer calls.. what is wrong with you??" Cheryl asked.

"Erm. I'm sorry, that would be my fault. I didn't realize the time" Razy said.

He stood beside Cheryl.

Cheryl looked at Razy.

"Cher, this is Razy. Razy, this is my roomate." Elina said. They haven't really officially met, only hearing stories about each other told by Elina.

"Hye" Cheryl said, but in a couldn't care less tone.

Razy just smiled.

All three of them became quiet for a moment. Awkward.

"It's late, good night" Chery said, then she went off to her room.

Elina turned to Razy, and smiled.

"I'm sorry, she's usually nice and all.. she's just looking out for me.."Elina explained.

"Yeah it's okay, I'd be mad too if you were going out a guy. Who is not me.."

Elina just chuckled.

"Anyway, good night" she said, and showed Razy to the door. Their eyes met for a moment.

"Yeah, night" Razy said. Then he walked off to the escalator. He turned back another time, just in time to catch Elina's eyes before she closed the door.


* * *

Elina was watching television. She just got back from her university, and she had a long day. She couldn't wait to rest on the sofa, and maybe doze off.

She took the remote control and switched between channels, looking for something she might have an interest in on the telly.

Suddenly, she heard knocking on the door.

She went to the door, and opened it. It was Razy, clad in the white shirt, and blue jeans. The same attire he wore when she first met him in the grocery store.

"Hey.."

"Hye Elina."

"Yeah.. so.."

"You know we've been spending so much time together.."

"Urm yeah.."Elina answered..

"OMG, he's finally going to make it official, he's going to make me his girlfriend!!" Elina thought in her head.

"So I think.." Razy said

"Yeah.."

Razy paused, looked straight into Elina's eyes.

"I think.. you should move in with me."

"Move in??"

Razy paused again.

"Yeah.. since we're practically meeting each other every single day, and you could save money on the rent if you move in with me..I know it's pretty fast..but I think .. it's right. Yeah, I think it's the right thing.." Razy explained further.

"Move in??" Elina repeated again, with a puzzled look on her face.

I was in the medical book store today, wanting to purchase a book I've always set my eye on. I went on and asked one of the sales person about the price of the book, it was RM158.

I took the book to the owner of the store, who later confirmed that it was indeed RM158. I told him I wanted the book, and proceeded to take out my purse to get my money.

As I was doing so, the owner looked at my face and suddenly said "You anak Latiffah ke?"

To which I halted what I was doing, and looked at him back.

I asked "Dapat diskaun ke kalo anak Latiffah?"

To which, he chuckled.

Then I answered, "A'ah. Memang pun." Then smiled again.

Then he said, "OKlah, RM155 lah."

Hee~

p/s : my mom's name is not Latifah. :P