Monday, January 19, 2009

What actually happened

Okay. So maybe I over-reacted a bit. Maybe a lot. Let's just say that the past week had been really hard for me, too much drama, too little time, too much to do. That pretty much sums it up.

But I knew most of my posting mates were really surprised when I had an emotional meltdown when our lecturer decided to just leave the class because I did not write my presentation nicely in a piece of white A4 paper.

And yes, I did cry. And a lot. I don't even know how I looked like, but I bet I must have looked dreadful on that day. It was the epitome of the bad week, I felt so inadequate in my knowledge, I felt so lost, I felt so left out.

I went to KLCC at that instance, went to the place I thought would be most comforting to me - Kinokuniya.

Sitting there, and taking my time to exhale and assess what exactly happened on that fateful day, was actually harder done than said.

I felt my eyes becoming watery, and I left KLCC, with a packet of Famous Amos cookies in my hand, as I knew, a girl's best friend when she's pissed off is chocolates. Well for me especially I suppose.

How could I explain how I really felt that day?

It's not depressed. It's more like I lost my spirit to be a medical student. I lost the desire to learn, to go to the hospital, or to just help people.

I lost my spirit to actually do anything.

But I forced myself to go to the hospital anyway the very next day, even though I feel like shit, and probably looked like shit too, because I knew crying in my room or sleeping in my bed for days would not help. Although it probably would make me feel a tad bit better.

Thank God I had the coursemates who actually talked me into doing stuff with them, and talking about what happened, and lifted up my spirits. And some other people who lifted up my spirits too by listening to the crap I have to say although they probably didn't understand what the whole fuss is all about.

But today, I went over that obstacle, I presented, though not that well (hopefully I could do better in the days to come), but I didn't feel that anxious anymore.

And I definitely have my spirit back.



ayumin said...

Keep up the spirit Farah!
4 more weeks left in Bitchville!

Mighty Jacksparrow said...

If he/she was my lecturer, I'd give it straight to the face. goddamn cocky sonofabitch. what makes he/she thinks he/she is better than everyone else?

send them to my manufacturing laboratory and let me remove one of their senses in the most agonizing way and let me know later if they still fit to be doctors.

I am sorry if I get too emotional on this, but I hate intelligent people who behave like immature infants. what animals.

youngsters are in institutions to learn and to be corrected in the most righteous ways, not to be treated like craps et cetera. Unless if you already have your MBBS/MD and you don't perform then it's different story.

Useless puke-inducing pieces of rotten boar's dung. Even Hassan Merican never treated us like that. Bah!

Farah W said...

ayu : yeah. 4 weeks and counting every second of it. :P

mighty jacksparrow : u must have had the same experience before huh?

well, too bad we are living in malaysia, or in asia perhaps, where what we, the students think are not really important.

We come from a culture where the teacher knows best. If the teacher says that the table is pink, although true to everyone's eye that the table's colour is blue, then we as the student would have to say it is pink too.

Anyway answered differently we would be marked as disobedient. Or ungrateful. Or whatever terms they can use to say how we are not the so called 'perfect' students who follow their every 'lead' along the way.

And yeah, I would have wanted to do the very same thing you have mentioned, but then again, this is the person who would be giving you the marks during your exams! Annoying as it is, I would have to tolerate it, just as what my other coursemates (who was previously in this posting) have done.

And probably prove myself to be stronger emotionally than I thought? Maybe.

Bottomline is, in reality, I can't do anything about it. (or could I?)

Though I always secretly wish I could puncture the tires to their car or something like that.. teehee.

Mighty Jacksparrow said...

well let me know shall you need some uranium isotopes.

"nice sandwich eh sir? makan makan. it'll taste even better in fifteen minutes. hee heee heeeeee. there goes your body battle system."

Farah W said...

jack : evil. i like. :D

Mighty Jacksparrow said...

oh please do, you. :b