Okay. So maybe I over-reacted a bit. Maybe a lot. Let's just say that the past week had been really hard for me, too much drama, too little time, too much to do. That pretty much sums it up.
But I knew most of my posting mates were really surprised when I had an emotional meltdown when our lecturer decided to just leave the class because I did not write my presentation nicely in a piece of white A4 paper.
And yes, I did cry. And a lot. I don't even know how I looked like, but I bet I must have looked dreadful on that day. It was the epitome of the bad week, I felt so inadequate in my knowledge, I felt so lost, I felt so left out.
I went to KLCC at that instance, went to the place I thought would be most comforting to me - Kinokuniya.
Sitting there, and taking my time to exhale and assess what exactly happened on that fateful day, was actually harder done than said.
I felt my eyes becoming watery, and I left KLCC, with a packet of Famous Amos cookies in my hand, as I knew, a girl's best friend when she's pissed off is chocolates. Well for me especially I suppose.
How could I explain how I really felt that day?
It's not depressed. It's more like I lost my spirit to be a medical student. I lost the desire to learn, to go to the hospital, or to just help people.
I lost my spirit to actually do anything.
But I forced myself to go to the hospital anyway the very next day, even though I feel like shit, and probably looked like shit too, because I knew crying in my room or sleeping in my bed for days would not help. Although it probably would make me feel a tad bit better.
Thank God I had the coursemates who actually talked me into doing stuff with them, and talking about what happened, and lifted up my spirits. And some other people who lifted up my spirits too by listening to the crap I have to say although they probably didn't understand what the whole fuss is all about.
But today, I went over that obstacle, I presented, though not that well (hopefully I could do better in the days to come), but I didn't feel that anxious anymore.
And I definitely have my spirit back.