Sunday, March 15, 2009

...

When you talk, your facial expression changes with what you are talking about.

When you talk about something you like, or someone you adore, you would talk with such gusto or passion, that everyone listening would realize that there is something you feel towards the issue you are talking about.

Same goes for talking about something you hate, may it be a person or a thing, if you have so much anger balled up inside, when you talk about it, it shows.

That's how sometimes I get caught red-handed with how I feel towards an issue, or a thing, or a person.

So, there is this one person I have a crush on, and a few of my friends know about it. But I can't do anything about it, because this person has a girlfriend.

And we are pretty good friends you see, sharing problems and all. That's the thing, it's easier to be friends with people, but to cross the line, to become more than that, it becomes a whole new story.

I'm very excited to get any text messages from this person, but it hurts when it says something like this "Hey Farah. How you doing? I'm bored. I'm missing her."

Yeah. I'm the friend, the person this guy turns to when he wants to get a girl's opinion on what to buy for another girl and the person who this guy turns to when he's down and needs someone (because he is in a long distance relationship, and contacting each other is pretty expensive).

And I speak excitedly of this person to my friends (who picked up this sign, and somehow knew about this crush I have of this person) and I do realize that I would never be more than that to him, I am and would always be THE FRIEND.

Doesn't matter if I'm the one he contacts before his exam, the one who cheers him up when he's in a fight with the girlfriend or having a bad day, or if I'm the one who wishes him first before his significant other on his birthday, I would still be THE FRIEND.

I know it is stupid to hold on this crush of mine, with him not really knowing how I feel about him. So I did try going out with other people, contacting old friends, to get a person I could call my own.

Recently I was able to meet him again, and we chat. It made me happy never-the-less, although what we chat about was only small talk.

Somehow, the other day, I was driving off somewhere and I didn't realize that he was somewhere near. Usually I would notice this person from a mile away, from the way he walks, the way he dress and because of his scent. :P

But somehow this time, I was driving, I didn't realize he was near, until I reach the junction, when I barely saw him waving frantically at me. I turned my head to my left, and caught his eye, and he smiled. Then I just drove on.

This time around, I felt that not only I'm driving away from this person physically, but I am moving away from him emotionally as well.

Maybe there's much more important things to do in my life at this moment.

p/s : Yes, I do admit I am more exam/study-oriented.

4 comments:

- e n i g m a - said...

huhu...sedey...

shamila.mz said...

This entry is very honest, and somehow i can understand how u feel. It's great to know that one can really walk away from this kind of relationship. I'm still in the middle of one.


oh and i'm just a bloghopper who happens to read your blog :)

p.s. There's no more freedom of speech, i guess. People tend to question each and every words that we write. But let them be. Dont make it a reason to stop being yourself. I love how you express urself :)

farustar said...

love the way you write...reallly touches a cord :)

Farah W said...

shamila.mz : i'm sure you could walk away from this type of relationship too. i've done it :) but it's hard. hee.

farustar : :)